The Hospital Chronicles - Episode 3: Food Glorious Food

Someone told me that I was going to get food on Thursday. Food? Okay, I know I'm supposed to eat some pureed food for like the next six months or something like that. I hadn't tried the pureed thing at home before the surgery. I kind of wish I had because I wasn't expecting what I got. I knew it would be small amounts. One ounce of protein food and one ounce of a "side dish."

My friend Mitch came to visit me before he left for home in Colorado. I have to say that Mitch is terribly witty and charming and I was glad he was there when the lunch lady came to ask me about my meals for the day.

So the lunch lady with the shower cap says so what would you like for lunch?

"Hmmm. How about a turkey sandwich and french fries?"

Yeah she thought that was funny. I bet she never gets stuff like that from gastric bypass patients... She said how about some cottage cheese and peaches? Okay. That sounds good. Now for dinner...

"Hot beef sandwich with potatoes and gravy?" Ha ha ha. "Come on now," she said.

"Okay I'll have a scrambled egg and some pureed vegetables."

The lunch tray arrived just as I had finished my walk down to Room 4 and back. Pureed cottage cheese is, well, alot like regular cottage cheese. It tasted like cottage cheese and the peaches were good. Dinner was a little different. A scranbled egg is pretty soft to begin with, unless you cook it until it's like a rubber eraser. Then imagine taking that rubber eraser egg and putting it in the food processor. Hmmm. Not so good. Pureed peas is somewhat of a mystery to me. I like peas. I like pea soup. I like peas in salads. Pureed pease taste like peas, but the texture is kind of like eating algae. All in all, not what I expected.

As I progress I am learning to accept the joys of pureed foods. I bought some baby food (which is TERRIBLE! I wouldn't feed that stuff to a baby!) and have since decided I should stick with fresh ingredients and puree things myself. The other night, Anita and Jeff had barbecued chicken. Now the smell of barbecued chicken is pretty irresistible for me at this stage, so when they were finished, I cut off a piece of chicken, put it in the food processor with a little water and some more sauce, and whirled it up (as Anita says). You know, the texture was different, but it tasted just like barbecued chicken. So don't despair, those of you who are in Puree Hell. You must let go of the yogurt and applesauce and embrace other proteins. It's okay just make sure you watch the sugar and fat content of the ingredients.

There is also a book called Pureed Foods With Substance and Style by J. William Richman and Maria Seppi Ferraco. The book is meant for institutions with inpatients who suffer from swallowing disorders. The book teaches you how to prepare good-looking and good-tasting foods, puree them, and reshape them to their original forms to enhance taste and eyee-appeal. So if you really are into it, check it out. It's only around $100. http://www.jbpub.com/catalog/0834205548/ (Although the idea of eating a tuna salad actually shaped like a fish is a little weird to me)

Personally, I think this 3 or 4 week period will go by pretty fast. I'm excited about getting to eat crispy foods like crackers and melba toast, because then I can start a whole new chapter of recipes. Oh, and look for my new book, Food Glorious Squashed Pulverized Pulpy Food.