The Hospital Chronicles Part II - Episode 1: "Well, Sh*t The Bed!"

(that's for you, Jeffy...)



The day after my surgery (Friday) I was moved to the surgical floor of Grinnell Regional Medical Center. I was placed in Room 207 with a little old woman who had a broken hip. Okay, who am I kidding - everyone on this floor was over 85 years old and had had a broken hip. So it wasn't so bad except that this little lady moaned a lot. I know she was in pain, but moaning is not bringing in the nurse, babe. After a while, my friend Rachel came to visit. The conversation was interrupted by moaning, then a frantic call on the nurse-phone - "I think I'm going to have a bowel movement!"

Well, she was right. And she had it right in the bed. Now for those of you who have never taken care of the elderly and convalescent, take note. Sh*t stinks. It reeks. Whether it's in the toilet, on the floor, in the bed or the port-a-potty, it smells bad. So I guessed it was time for a little walk.

So okay, after several times of the nurses and techs trying to get this lady up to the potty, she ended up sh*tting the bed many times that day and over the course of the night.

So during the night curious things happened. I cat-napped and every once in a while I heard the nurse alarm across the room.

"Can I help you?"
"Do you think someone could come in here and put a little pillow or something under my leg?"
"Someone will be right down."

After the tech came down, she explained to my roommate that there was already a pillow under her leg and did she want it moved? Did she want it taken out?

"No, that's okay. It feels fine."

Fifteen minutes later:
"Beep"
"Can I help you?"
"Do you think someone could come in here and put a little pillow or something under my leg?"
"Someone will be right down."

Then there was more sh*tting.

Now, I have to tell you that I didn't sleep much that night. Not only because of the sh*tting and the moaning, but because I was stressed out about my own situation too. Here I am, six weeks out of surgery and basically I don't know what's going to happen in my body yet.

The next morning, some genius figured out that they could put a Depends on that lady and they wouldn't have to change the bed and her clothes so often. A real genius.


CATCH UP - TODAY AUGUST 1, 2006

So to catch you up on a few other things, I'm doing a lot better. I went to the Dr. today and she's a little worried about me because she thinks I'm depressed. Maybe I am. In any case, there will be no going in to work for another 2 weeks! She said I could work half days from home, but she didn't want me to get too stressed out. The good news is I didn't get sick today. I have been getting sick just about every day because of the antibiotics I was taking and because I just couldn't eat any solid foods. I'm basically back at the beginning of the process at which I thought I was doing so well. I'm still doing okay, and I'm still losing weight (pictures to come soon) but it's harder than I thought. I thought I would be able to handle the changes and even the unexpected, but it really is hard. We talked about me going on Wellbutrin, but I don't really want to take any more drugs.

In any case, that's the update. I will be trying to get the rest of chronicles out this week, and some pictures online. According to the scale at the Dr.'s office, I have lost 74 pounds. Is that a lot?