I'm In Love With My Car

The machine of a dream
Such a clean machine
With the pistons a pumpin'
And the hub caps all gleam

When i'm holdin' your wheel
All i hear is your gear
When my hand's on your grease gun
Oh it's like a disease son

I'm in love with my car
Gotta feel for my automobile
Get a grip on my boy racer rollbar
Such a thrill when your radials squeal

Told my girl i'll have to forget her
Rather buy me a new carburetor
So she made tracks sayin'
This is the end now
Cars don't talk back
They're just four wheeled friends now

When i'm holdin your wheel
All i hear is your gear
When i'm cruisin' in overdrive
Don't have to listen to no run of the mill talk jive

I'm in love with my car
Gotta feel for my automobile
I'm in love with my car
String back gloves in my automolove

Words and music by roger taylor of queen



1999 Chrysler 300M
My machine of a dream...

So I really do love my new car. It's not new, but I've had it less than a year. But that little dickins was holding back on me. Not really lying, just withholding information...

So about 2 weeks ago I noticed that my turn signals were blinking really fast. Well, as a seasoned car-trouble professional, I know that means you have burned out light bulbs on that side. But BOTH sides were doing it. Hmm. I went to Theissen's to buy cat food and picked up a package of light bulbs for my car. I came home and got out the instruction manual. The instructions were kind of vague for the front end lights. It involved removing the vinyl mask and then the wheel well cover and basically squeezing underneath the facia and pulling out the bulbs. I just didn't feel up to it. Neither did Eric and as a seasoned manual-reader, he looked at the instructions for a long time.

What the hell, I work in Des Moines, so I'll just pop 'round to Stew Hansen's Dodge City and have the boys put it on the hoist. So last Tuesday I popped 'round and they put it on the hoist and took off the appropriate pieces. I sat in the waiting room drinking coffee and reading the Register. The guy came up and said this "Um, has this car been in an accident?" "Not since I've had it."

"Hmmm, well there's no wiring to the directionals or the fog lamps. Just the headlamps."

"Say Huh?"

It was true. There must have been an incident in my car's past where some half-assed grease monkey decided he didn't need to replace any of the wiring to those lights. So Steve (my shop liaison) said they would have to order parts. Okay, I guess I can handle that.

So I got a rental car to drive home that night. They gave me a 2007 Dodge Charger. Whoooooo... I looked HOT in that baby! It was a pretty sweet ride... but I still like my 300.

So the next day, Steve called and said the car was done and I could come over and pick it up anytime. So I went over there and turned in the Charger and went to the desk.

Eight-Hundred and Fifty-Three dollars later... I had my car back. That's right. Of course most of that was labor, but I imagine it was a labor-intensive procedure.

Later that week, Eric told me he was taking Friday afternoon off to get new tires for his car. "Hmm, that sounds like a good idea" I said, "I think I'll stop at Ben's Saturday morning and have them check out my tires."

Now we all know that once you say something out loud into the universe, the universe says this: "Hmmm, I wonder how I can use this to SCREW up Annette's week..."

Friday (the day BEFORE Saturday for those weekday-challenged), I met Anita and Deann for dinner in Des Moines and then started for home. So I'm tooling down I-80 and listening to a little Huey Lewis and the News, and the next thing I know my front driver's side tire is flat.

Now, I don't have a "Mitch in Shining Armor" so I put on the blinkers, got the crap out of the trunk and started working. I got the car jacked up and the big tire off (and I got grease and dirt on my nice ecru lace top - dammit). I got the mini tire out and I could not lift it up on the bolts. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get it up on there. So I'm swearing and puffing and gnashing my teeth, and all of a sudden - a guy appears behind me and says "Let me take care of that."

A VERY nice-looking young black man in a fluorescent yellow jumpsuit is standing there with power tools. He had come from the other way in a little truck with the words "Highway Helper" on the side.


This is a service offered by the Iowa Department of Transportation. I thought he was from Heaven. He put my little tire on, took the car off the jack, put everything away in the trunk, AND put a little more air in the dinky tire. He gave me a card to complete and mail in to tell the DOT how I liked the service. Well, of course I think it's wonderful. Regular people don't stop to help people anymore. Everyone thinks you're a serial killer. You know, because of the emails we are bombarded with.. No one is going to slash your achille's tendon and steal your car... GAWD...

On the way home from the flat tire incident I was feeling pretty low. I turned my iPod on and a song came on from my friend Greg's CD "RankinStein." Ron Stein does a version of "Louie Louie" that you simply must hear. Greg, is there a way to get it out on the internets so people could listen to it? I ended up listening to it 3 times and laughed and giggled all the way home. So thank you Greg and Ron for that. You made my weekend not suck.

Anyway, I went straight away to Ben's Saturday morning and got 2 new tires. So now I at least feel safe and normal driving my 300. That lying b#tch. I can't believe I never noticed that whole turn signal thing... Anyway. Take care and be careful on the road!!