Tale of a Big-Boned Gal

Story of a woman undergoing gastric bypass surgery.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Christmas Wishes and R.O.U.S's

I barely survived the holidays here in my bubble of Crappy Midwest Weather. We had a giant ice storm a couple of days before Christmas and so it was horrible to try and get my shopping finished and all my baking done. At the end of each holiday season I say to myself "I'm gettin' too old fo this, Riggs. Next year I'm not going to make 7 batches of cookies and cook 6 dishes for Christmas dinner and host 2 dinner parties." But I always do it anyway. Because that's what I do.

This year our Christmas Eve dinner was brined pork chops and cornbread stuffing (which I made for the first time and was actually pretty good if not a little dry). Anita and I made baked corn, the sweet potato casserole (from TG) and the layered salad for Christmas dinner. As well as the cookies and candies that us 2 aunts are expected to bring. It was a wonderful dinner. Mandy, Clint and Mya didn't make it because Mya was ill, and I'm guessing the weather in Minneapolis was equally as crappy. She will have to get her little Rock and Ride Pony later (oops! I hope she isn't reading this!)

My friends came from across the country and we had a great time. Except for everyone got sick! I saw Jill at Mitch's parent's house on Christmas Eve and she was having trouble with her teeth. Then Christmas night, Kenny came over and informed us that Jill had an abcess and had to have it drained and would need a root canal when she got back to Texas. Poor Jill. Mitch ended up getting the hacking cough, Greg had the flu and I ended up with some kind of bladder issue. UGH! Still it was good to see everyone and I got some pretty sweet gifts including a new amp for my stereo from Greg! It ROCKS!


You will notice that Jill is absent from the photo because she was ill. I did talk to her a few days later when she and Ken returned home and she was doing lots better. As for me, I went to my family Dr. and then went to my urologist in Grinnell who treated me for my kidney stone. He put me on some medicine which he said will "tell your bladder to just shut up." I like him, he's funny. Also, it turns my pee a greenish-blue color which is kind of trippy.

"What about the R.O.U.S's?"
"Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don't believe they exist."

Believe it. They are in my garage.

The genius that lived in my house before I moved here had a dog that he kept in the garage. Since the back yard is fenced in, he decided to make his own doggie door in the back door of the garage by sawing a hole in it. So for the past 10 years I have lived here, various animals have taken refuge here - the latest being the colony of kitties from which Ziggy was stolen and now lives with me. I don't mind kitties coming in when it's cold or rainy, but a couple of weeks ago Eric and I were standing in the kitchen and heard a noise in the garage. We opened the back door and giant possum was standing on top of a box. Now it has never been a secret that I HATE possums. We had them at the farm and they always got into the garbage. And so this one was getting into mine. Even though I have garbage cans with locking lids, he somehow was able to knock the ladder off my garage wall, knock the can over and pry the lid off.

The next day I went out and found a couple of old wooden trays in the garage sale box. So I took the handles and sides off and nailed them over the hole in the back door. I was confident this would keep the rodent out.

I was incorrect. That very night Miss Wiskers kept coming into my room and then running back out into the living room. I finally got up and the other three were all sitting in the kitchen staring at the back door to the garage. I opened the door and shined the big flashlight outside. Sure enough, the garbage can was on its side and the tray boards had been pried off of the door.

The next day, I had called in sick to work because of my little bladder issue. I decided to do some errands so I went out and picked up my coat from the cleaners and mailed some packages. I stopped at the local lumber store and decided I would buy a scrap of plywood. The man at the store was nice and sawed it in half for me. I threw in a box of galvanized nails and came home with my booty.

I got out the hammer and pried off the remnants of the boards from the back door. I nailed those pieces of plywood over the hole with a lot of nails and verbally challenged the R.O.U.S. to get through that. I'm sure the neighbors must think I'm insane.

I am happy to report that there have not been any further incidents within the garage. I have successfully defeated my nemesis. After all, my brain is bigger and I have thumbs. I am so powerful!

New Year's was fun. Anita's friend Deann came over from Cedar Rapids for the NYE and the following weekend. I made the turkey I received from GMRC for dinner on New Year's Day. I glazed it and everything. Deann said it was so pretty I should take a photo of it. So I did! We then christened her Christina Turkington, the supermodel! Who, as it turned out was as delicious as she was beautiful...


So here's hoping your new year brings health and wealth and a shiny crispy skin!

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a little concerned that after a story about R.O.U.S., there's a picture of a rather large, basted animal sitting on your table. Publishing proof of origin might be a good idea and perhaps placement of paragraphs could be rearranged. :-)

- G

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