Tale of a Big-Boned Gal

Christmas Wishes and R.O.U.S's

2009-01-10T09:24:00.000-08:00

I barely survived the holidays here in my bubble of Crappy Midwest Weather. We had a giant ice storm a couple of days before Christmas and so it was horrible to try and get my shopping finished and all my baking done. At the end of each holiday season I say to myself "I'm gettin' too old fo this, Riggs. Next year I'm not going to make 7 batches of cookies and cook 6 dishes for Christmas dinner and host 2 dinner parties." But I always do it anyway. Because that's what I do.

This year our Christmas Eve dinner was brined pork chops and cornbread stuffing (which I made for the first time and was actually pretty good if not a little dry). Anita and I made baked corn, the sweet potato casserole (from TG) and the layered salad for Christmas dinner. As well as the cookies and candies that us 2 aunts are expected to bring. It was a wonderful dinner. Mandy, Clint and Mya didn't make it because Mya was ill, and I'm guessing the weather in Minneapolis was equally as crappy. She will have to get her little Rock and Ride Pony later (oops! I hope she isn't reading this!)

My friends came from across the country and we had a great time. Except for everyone got sick! I saw Jill at Mitch's parent's house on Christmas Eve and she was having trouble with her teeth. Then Christmas night, Kenny came over and informed us that Jill had an abcess and had to have it drained and would need a root canal when she got back to Texas. Poor Jill. Mitch ended up getting the hacking cough, Greg had the flu and I ended up with some kind of bladder issue. UGH! Still it was good to see everyone and I got some pretty sweet gifts including a new amp for my stereo from Greg! It ROCKS!

You will notice that Jill is absent from the photo because she was ill. I did talk to her a few days later when she and Ken returned home and she was doing lots better. As for me, I went to my family Dr. and then went to my urologist in Grinnell who treated me for my kidney stone. He put me on some medicine which he said will "tell your bladder to just shut up." I like him, he's funny. Also, it turns my pee a greenish-blue color which is kind of trippy.

"What about the R.O.U.S's?"
"Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don't believe they exist."

Believe it. They are in my garage.

The genius that lived in my house before I moved here had a dog that he kept in the garage. Since the back yard is fenced in, he decided to make his own doggie door in the back door of the garage by sawing a hole in it. So for the past 10 years I have lived here, various animals have taken refuge here - the latest being the colony of kitties from which Ziggy was stolen and now lives with me. I don't mind kitties coming in when it's cold or rainy, but a couple of weeks ago Eric and I were standing in the kitchen and heard a noise in the garage. We opened the back door and giant possum was standing on top of a box. Now it has never been a secret that I HATE possums. We had them at the farm and they always got into the garbage. And so this one was getting into mine. Even though I have garbage cans with locking lids, he somehow was able to knock the ladder off my garage wall, knock the can over and pry the lid off.

The next day I went out and found a couple of old wooden trays in the garage sale box. So I took the handles and sides off and nailed them over the hole in the back door. I was confident this would keep the rodent out.

I was incorrect. That very night Miss Wiskers kept coming into my room and then running back out into the living room. I finally got up and the other three were all sitting in the kitchen staring at the back door to the garage. I opened the door and shined the big flashlight outside. Sure enough, the garbage can was on its side and the tray boards had been pried off of the door.

The next day, I had called in sick to work because of my little bladder issue. I decided to do some errands so I went out and picked up my coat from the cleaners and mailed some packages. I stopped at the local lumber store and decided I would buy a scrap of plywood. The man at the store was nice and sawed it in half for me. I threw in a box of galvanized nails and came home with my booty.

I got out the hammer and pried off the remnants of the boards from the back door. I nailed those pieces of plywood over the hole with a lot of nails and verbally challenged the R.O.U.S. to get through that. I'm sure the neighbors must think I'm insane.

I am happy to report that there have not been any further incidents within the garage. I have successfully defeated my nemesis. After all, my brain is bigger and I have thumbs. I am so powerful!

New Year's was fun. Anita's friend Deann came over from Cedar Rapids for the NYE and the following weekend. I made the turkey I received from GMRC for dinner on New Year's Day. I glazed it and everything. Deann said it was so pretty I should take a photo of it. So I did! We then christened her Christina Turkington, the supermodel! Who, as it turned out was as delicious as she was beautiful...

So here's hoping your new year brings health and wealth and a shiny crispy skin!

Many Thanks

2008-11-30T07:41:00.000-08:00

Some hae meat and canna eat, -
And some wad eat that want it;
But we hae meat, and we can eat,
Sae let the Lord be thankit.
~Robert Burns

So the big Thanksgiving holiday is over. Didn't make it to Texas this year so I spent the day at my sister Carolyn's. It was actually pretty good. We had a ton of food (maybe not quite enough Jello salads - that's sarcasm). Yes it is all about the food. Here is a rundown:

Assorted Appetizers (veggies, etc.)
Roast turkey breast
Dressing (Anita and I made it this year - just like Mom)
Baked ham
Mashed potatoes (with ham gravy - YUM!)
Baked corn casserole
Green bean casserole
Broccoli and rice casserole
Sweet potato casserole (this was my dish - it ROCKED)
Strawberry Pretzel Salad (Jello #1)
Broken Glass salad (Jello #2)
Cranberry sauce
Dinner rolls
2 pumpkin pies
2 French silk pies
Lemon merengue pie
coconut dessert (sugar-free! Hooray!)
Rice Krispie bars
Snickerdoodles (also my contribution)

Whew!

Here are Eric's tribute photos:

There were little people eating big food.

And best of all there was my new little grand-niece, Mya:

I did miss seeing Kenny and Jill this year. Thursday evening, Eric and I were sitting around and so we reminisced a little about our adventures in Texas each year. Greg, Mitch & Laura were in town for the weekend. We took Laura to Taylor's Maid Rite for the quintessential Marshalltown culinary experience. It was fun but Mitch and Greg spilled their malts on the counter (it was pretty funny - they just didn't have the technique). Then we took her on a proper tour of the city, and stopped out at the Animal Resuce League. It was very hard to leave without adopting someone. I managed to make it through.

So now it's officially WINTER. Last night we received our first proper snowfall. Very picturesque, but I don't ever look forward to driving in the stuff - especially with all the people who somehow forget how to drive in snow.

Luckily, my car is nice and clean and warm in its garage...

Ziggy is spending some time watching the snowflakes falling outside the front window. This is his first winter so he has no idea what is going on. He seems perplexed by the whiteness. And really who isn't?
Here is a recent photo showcasing that TAIL! I comb it just about every day and it seems to get fluffier and fluffier!!

So it's time to think about Christmas and the upcoming celebrations. It is one of my favorite times of the year. Mostly because I know my friends will be coming. I'm gearing up for the big decorating weekend. I thought I would be able to do that this weekend, but I started to really slow down on Friday night and haven't had much energy since then, so it will have to wait until next weekend. Just as well. I don't know how Zig will react to having the tree. Kitties are so curious. In any case, that will have to wait until I recover from the recent festivities.

So here's hoping that your holiday was as flavorful and fun as mine. And it's not just about the food...

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"I am . . . Ziggy"

2008-10-16T15:29:00.001-07:00

In July I was off work because of my surgery.

One day I was in the kitchen and at the sink. I happened to look out the window and there were 6 (SIX) kittens playing in the back yard by the tree! So I called Anita and she called Eric and they both came right over! We couldn't really get close to them because they were a little wild. We put out food and water and they ate and drank and then went to sleep on the deck with a watchful Mama nearby. She never let them out of her site.

Over the next couple of weeks, Eric took many really good photos of the brood. They are posted here: Eric's flikr photos

So I kept putting out food and they would go away for a while but they would always show up again, usually in the evening. They would eat and drink and then play by the tree until it got dark. We tried to get them used to us, mostly Eric, and he picked one of them up one day. The one I called "Lucy"." There were 3 orange tabbys and this one was the smallest of the whole bunch - the runt of the litter I guess.

Here is a photo in the back yard.

It was hot in July - in the 90's the next week. One morning I got up and went out to get the dishes. The little orange one was laying on the deck - not moving and barely breathing! Anita was over so she went out and grabbed the kitten. We put her in the carrier and took her to the vet. Later that day, the vet told us that the kitten had a severe respiratory infection. AND it was a boy and not a girl (I guess the name "Lucy" was out at that point). He was nothing but skin and bones. The vet gave us some medicine to give with am eye dropper, and told me to feed him canned food because it took more energy to chew and digest the dry food than he was getting calories!

So I brought him home and Anita helped me set up a laundry basket with a little litter box and food and water dish and a little towel for him to lay on. He slept all the time for the first couple of days I had him in the house, but he did eat the Fancy Feast food ("Break me off a piece of that ... Fancy Feast - sorry, private joke). After about a week, he was getting out of the basket and so I let him stay out and showed him where the big kitty litter box was. He was a very good kitty that way. The other three were indifferent toward him except Totoro. She seemed somewhat interested. When he started to run around more and wanted to play, she was very gentle with him and played with him. He eventually got over the coughing and got a little belly on him.

So I thought about putting him up for adoption through the vet's office, but then he was getting along so well with the other kitties, I had to keep him. So I guess he's my kitty now.

He is about 5 months old now (teenage years for kitties) and is sometimes a real pistol. His tail is longer than his whole body and he sometimes looks like a little squirrel. His name is Ziggy, but he is not named after the beloved comic strip like you might think.

I have been trying to get a copy of a movie that was out in the 80's called "Vibes" starring Jeff Goldblum and Cyndi Lauper. I know it sounds silly, and it was. They played 2 psychics who are hired by Peter Falk to find the famed Incan "Room of Gold" in Ecuador. Cyndi's character, always trying to get a rich guy, makes Jeff pretend to be her brother at the hotel bar. When the rich fellow approaches her she says, "and this is my brother... Ziggy." Jeff responds, "I am... Ziggy." and I know it sounds dumb, but I just loved that line! So he is... Ziggy. Although he also goes by "Snookums," "Little Boy," "Squirrelly." "Larry," and "Slap Happy." (I know - it's a wonder these cats don't have multiple personality disorder)

Anyway, he lives with us now, and I may have officially turned into the crazy cat lady on the block. But I don't care. As Gregory said the other night when m y nephew Jeff complained I had too many cats, "But Annette is famous for her cats." I'd like to think that's true. I'm a pretty good cat mommy, so we will take that as a compliment.

Welcome to the family Ziggy!

Ziggy at about 8 weeks

Ziggy today - about 5 months (with Miss Wiskers in background)

Summertime Blues

2008-10-11T10:39:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna raise a fuss, I'm gonna raise a holler
About a workin' all summer just to try to earn a dollar
Every time I call my baby, and ask to get a date
My boss says, "No dice son, you gotta work late"
Sometimes I wonder whatI'm a gonna do
But there ain't no cure for the summertime blues

Well my mom and pop told me, "son you gotta make some money"
If you want to use the car to go ridin' next Sunday
Well I didn't go to work, told the boss I was sick
"well you can't use the car 'cause you didn't work a lick"
Sometimes I wonder what I'm a gonna do
But there ain't no cure for the summertime blues

I'm gonna take the weeks, gonna have a fine vacation
I'm gonna take my problem to the United Nations
Well I called my congressman and he said "whoa!"
"I'd like to help you son but you're too young to vote"
Sometimes I wonder what I'm a gonna do
But there ain't no cure for the summertime blues

Beach Boys: "Summertime Blues"

Well, OK I didn't really have a fine vacation, but I did take some time off. Let me start in the Spring...

As some of you know I have an iron deificiency due to my gastric bypass. This situation is usually fixed by my having an IV iron infusion every few months at the oncologist. So this last Spring, I was having some fatigue, tiredness, crankiness, etc. Of course since I was working in Des Moines (and on contract at that) I didn't want to take time off to actually go to the Dr. (it's stupid I know). So the other thing that was happening to me is that I was getting light-headed whenever I went to Wal-Mart or the grocery store, really anywhere that I had to walk around and expend some energy. So one day, I'm in Fareway and I get up to the check out and I start to get light-headed. Well, I'll just check out and then I'll sit down on that bench over there before I go out to the car. So I pay the bill, get to the aisle and -- boom -- I'm out. Next thing I'm lying on the floor with the manager fretting next to me. Luckliy Anita was with me and waiting in the car. I called her and she came in and got me but I didn't go to the HOSPITAL. Partly because I just wanted to lay down and partly because I HATE the Marshalltown hospital.

Well, Anita convinced me to see the Dr. and he sent me to the lab for a blood test. I then got on the road for Des Moines. As I got to Bondurant, the cell phone rang and it was Dr. Demmel's nurse - "Where are you?"

"I'm on my way to work."
"Oh, no you need to be in the hospital."
"Oh, OK."

So I drove out to Hawthorne and got my laptop and then drove back to Marshalltown. I got in the hospital and my hemoglobin was 5 (normal should be 12 to 16) so my blood was super-thin like water - no red cells to carry oxygen. That's why I was passing out in grocery stores I guess. So they gave me 5 units of blood and I stayed overnight. I worked from home the next day and started to feel better! So I had another iron treatment after that and was doing OK.

Later I got a call from Dr. Demmel's nurse and she told me that since my HGB was so low, that they sent a sample of my blood to the pathologist. She told me that the report came back and the pathologist said I should see a hemotologist because my blood cells looked "sick." Now I didn't know what that meant, but I freaked out for the next 2 days until I got to the Dr. and he explained it was that the blood cells were small and mishapen because of the iron deficiency. Thanks Nurse Feel-Good for freaking me out!

I had to have additional blood transfusion the day I went to Dr. Prow. She suggested that maybe I was losing blood somewhere. Subsequently I had another endoscopy, EKG, Mammogram, and ultrasound of my heart. All tests came out fine.

So the hemotologist said I should maybe see the Gynocologist because I had been having some "female trouble." And by "female trouble" I mean I was BLEEDING ALL THE TIME. I guess the Dr. thought part of my problem could be due to that little deal.

So Dr. Gessner did some tests and as it turned out -- I have cancer of the uterus. Hmmm, so let's see. I guess I need to see a surgeon! So I went to see Dr. Turner in Des Moines. She's a Gynocological Oncologist (say that 3 times fast!) and she said yes I need to have an operation. So we scheduled it for July, but I just couldn't stand taking the hormones and bleeding anymore. So she re-scheduled for June 20. I had to have my hernia fixed at the same time because it was so big and she just couldn't close me up without having that done. I saw Dr. Roe (a cute little thing) who is a general surgeon in the same office.

June 20 I went into the Mercy hospital -- had a 7 hour surgery -- and I was out for a whole day and a half. Luckily Anita was with me to take care of me and be my advocate. Dr. Turner said she had removed the uterus, ovaries and tubes. She also did a lymph node disection to test that too. I was in the hospital for only 5 days with the standard morphine-induced hysteria, but I managed to get up and get to the bathroom so I could get the tubes out of me. I was released and Anita brought me home where I promptly had a long shower and went to bed for about a day.

The pathology report came back and incedibly, all the cancer was confined to the uterine wall so it was all taken out with the hysterectomy. I am thankful for all the Dr.s there and I feel like I was very lucky to have gotten that done at that time. And of course I'm thankful for Anita taking care of me since I couldn't really do anything for about 2 weeks.

At Grinnell Mutual, they were all very understanding about the whole thing and let me take the needed time off to have all this done! After 5 weeks of recovery, I was able to go back to work and now live a semi-normal life.

The weird thing was going through menopause in 3 months. I was hot, cold, sad, scared, angry, grouchy, depressed, hungry, and generally pissed off for 3 months. All emotions occuring within about 5 minutes of one another. Ugh!

So my "lady parts" are all gone now and I am doing better. I am currently having another iron treatment this month as I am now monitoring my hemoglobin closely. The bad thing is, my hernia was repaired using some kind of biometric material (Dr. Roe said it comes from a pig - EWW!) and so my hernia has returned. I have to wear an abdominal binder but I guess that's OK. He told me in about 6 months he could fix it permanently with some other mesh material. I guess I'll just wait and see how things go. Eventually I will have to have it fixed so I can have my extra skin removed at some point. Until then, it's one day at a time.

The whole summer wasn't a waste -- I had some good days. My friend Gregory comes over to visit and Greg and Mitch came back to Marshalltown over Labor Day weekend. Meantime, Eric and I watch movies and a great British TV show called "Secret Diary of a Call Girl." If you get a chance to catch it, do. It's great.

As an extra added bonus, while I was off work in July a family of kitties came to live on my back deck. But that's for the next episode: "I am . . . Ziggy."

Big Wheels and The Hawthorne Girls

2008-10-10T16:57:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking it over
So many times they say you've got it made
They never understand
The answer lies within your soul
And no one knows which side the coin will fall

Big Wheels turning
Baby I know
Big Wheels turning
Baby I know
Big Wheels turning, turning

Save it for a rainy day
For when the cold wind blows just to see how they run
I thought they'd know
I tried my best, all I could do
But somehow it was not enough for you

Big Wheels turning
Baby I know
Big Wheels turning
Baby I know
Big Wheels turning, turning

I remember the dead of night
A lonely light that shines upon the window
I see it all so clear
The tenderness, the silent tears

Out here in the pouring rain
Through cold dark waiting days I see you standing there
I see the Big Wheels turning
Never ending, on and on they go

I think I'm going home
I think I'm gonna have to start again
It's rather sad
Because I've looked around, can't seem to find
Whatever's always rolling through my mind

Big Wheels turning
Baby I know
Big Wheels turning
Baby I know
Big Wheels turning, turning

Jeff Lynne - Electric Light Orchestra
BTW - stole this idea from Greg (http://techweenie.wordpress.com/)

So I realize it's been over a year since the last blog, and I apologize for that. Alot was going on and I was working alot. Much has happened since last July and I won't try and catch you up on everything, but I will have to mention a few things.

My brother, John Charles Pearson, passed away last fall. He will be terribly missed. One of my favorite memories of John is him coming out to the farm on Sunday mornings for coffee with mom and I. He would come no matter what the weather. Actually, in the winter, the worse the weather, the earlier he would arrive! He loved 4-wheeling out there. So he would get me and Mom to play 3-handed pepper, or on occasion he would take us the bar at around noon. He'd say, "Let me show you how to get 3 beers for the price of one." He would spot a co-worker or pal at the bar and then have the bartender buy him a beer with our round. Then the guys would reminisce or pal-it-up (whatever that thing is that guys do comparitive to girls checking out the hair and the shoes). Then the pal would send us a round next time! It was hilarious. In any case, it was a weird time for the family but he is at least without pain and suffering now.

Christmas was hard but I was surrounded by friends and family so it was still good and despite the harsh winter it is still my favorite time of year.

I was still working at Wells Fargo in January, and we hired a couple more database analysts to work on the rest of the project. Mary Jo is just one of my favorite people now and I am thankful that I met her there.

Wells Fargo was a fun place to work because I fell in love with the girls I worked with. So in a sort of "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" fashion, I have amassed a posse of the best girls around.

Besides Mary Jo, there was of course, Amie (my confidante), Lindsey (a real firecracker), Rachel G (nerd with sense of humor - like me), Erica (now works for the Iowa Democratic Party - go Barak!), and Julie (my hippie counterpart). The cool thing is that even though we have all departed from that workplace we still keep in touch and actually just got together in Des Moines for drinks to celebrate MJ's new job and the letting go of our old boss there (who shall remain nameless - as he should). We have a bond that goes beyond work so I know we will all remain friends. Eric came along to the last gathering and said he has never seen such sniping women so full of piss and vinegar and yet having the time of their lives. That's us!! Eric thinks someone should turn this into a screenplay for our very own movie or TV show. Eric's working title is "The Hawthorne Girls." Every week it could just some bitch getting a drink thrown in her face by one of the girls and then them calling her a name.

So because I don't have permission to post any photographs of my girls, here are the actresses that I have chosen to play them in the movie:

Amie (played by Rebecca Mader)

Rachel G (played by America Ferrera)

Julie (played by Marilu Henner)

Mary Jo (played by Mary McDonnell)

Erica (played by Aimee Teegarten)

Lindsey (played by Odette Yustman)

And of course ME - played by the Divine Miss M!

So as I said we are all departed from Wells Fargo. I left because in May I got a call from Grinnell Mutual Reinsurance and they wanted to interview me. So I went and it turns out I was just what they were looking for. They offered me a job as a Business Analyst for the Oasis Policy System and I accepted. I started there May 15th (I think).

I really love the job I have there. All the people in my department are nice, and they support one another (unlike OTHER workplaces I will not mention.. but you know who they are). Besides having Shannon as my awesome boss, and Betsy and Marcy as my team members, we have a cafeteria there! So if you forget to bring your lunch (or you just don't want that boloney samwich you brought) you can have salad bar or pizza or whatever the special is! It's totally cool! We also just had a team appreciation picnic where they furnished sub sandwiches, chips and sodas! It's such a cool place to work. I am very lucky (or just extremely skilled).

I have been consistently losing weight still. I am down to 207 now and am in a size 18 or 1X. It's so different being able to just go to a store and buy sn Iowa State t-shirt without having to order it online! A new thing that my sis Anita started is going to the Goodwill store. They have really good clothes there - certainly they are used, but many things are hardly worn or new with tags still - but you can get clothes that fit for $3.69 a piece! It's my new favorite store!

I want to tell you all about the summer, but I think that will have to be another blog entry. I just wanted to catch you up on a few things. Tune in next time for "Summertime Blues" and "I Am, ... Ziggy" coming soon!

Men...

2007-07-04T14:46:00.000-07:00

So the other day I'm at the gas station and I'm minding my own business - pumping gas - and a guy in a PT Cruiser comes over and starts talking to me. So he's telling me about his gas mileage, and we talk about Chryslers and such. He asks me where I'm from and where I'm going. Then we smile and part and go our separate ways. Now here's the thing - I think this guy was hitting on me! Now, it's been a long time for me, and it's not something that I'm used to, but as I think back about it, I think that's what happened. He was a nice guy. Older (well, ok older than me, and there aren't many things that are nowadays), kind of short with a polo shirt and shorts on. Nice body, grayish hair, blue eyes. Probably a really nice guy.

So the first part of my problem is, I wouldn't know what to do with a guy if I got one. It's like when Totoro is trying to get the string and I say, "Well, what would you do with it if you caught it?" Nothing. Just wait for Mommy to take it and twirl it around some more. I'm so old and "set in my ways" that I'm not sure I could have a really serious relationship with a man.

The second and more prominent part of the problem is, I've been so spoiled by all the other men in my life, that I'm not sure I could "settle" for just a regular guy. I mean all the men I know are so overwhelmingly smart and talented that all others seem to pale in comparison. As an example, I will explain what my perfect man would have to live up to...

First he would have to be nurturing, caring and a good samaritan with an incredibly sweet soul.

He would have to rank in the top 5 nicest men on the planet (Kenny is #1 on the list I have). He would have that boyish charm of John Denver, but the sultry voice of Neil Diamond (Holly Holy! Whoo!)

Next, this man would have to have the special intelligence and problem-solving skill of an engineer. He would be smart, funny, innovative and romantic.

He would be sensitive and honest. A total Star Trek nerd, yet would enjoy a good 3 hour Bollywood musical. Oh, and giving the best hugs in the world would help.

Also, this man would have to be a masculine, manly outdoorsman. Able to chop wood, build a deck, shovel 12 feet of snow, and still be able to pick a perfect wine and play guitar for his lady.

Of course being the world's second-best guitarist would be a bonus (sorry, Eric is still the best). Like a fine wine, he only gets sexier and tastier with age. An old soul who has learned enough to know how to enjoy life.

But it's not just these guys that have spoiled me. This perfect man would also have to be loyal, sensitive, thoughtful and have the world's most beautiful blue eyes like my friend Andy...

He would have to be witty, funny, smart, a pure soul with big brown eyes. He can tease relentlessly, but will always be there if you need him like my friend Gregory N...

He would be sexy, baudy, a real man who loved women and lived life to its fullest. A man who knew how to make a woman feel beautiful and special like my friend Rollie...

So thanks for being my boyfriends all these years. I mean, you have basically ruined my chance for settling down with a permanent partner, but as long as I have the best of ALL worlds, why settle when I have it all? I love you guys!

My Anniversary - My New Office

2007-05-26T20:01:00.000-07:00

It's been a whole year since I had my gastric bypass surgery. Actually that was on May 16th. Since then I've lost 162 pounds, quit my job, got a new job, and many other things that have changed my life for the better. I am very proud of myself for sticking with this and working through the emotions of it all. I am a girl after all...

So one of the things that has happened (is happening) is that my iron is low. I'm anemic. I get dizzy spells, I get tired easily, etc. So Dr. Gondawe agreed that my new body just isn't absorbing the iron in the tablet form like it should. So I recently started having iron infusions at the clinic in Grinnell.

What happens is, the nurse starts an IV of just saline and then sets up a bag of iron solution. It's very similar to having a blood transfusion. So the only bad thing is, it takes 3.5 hours to get this treatment. So I had my first one 2 weeks ago on May 16 (my anniversary) and I have another on on the 30th and then I have to schedule another one 4 weeks after that. After those 3 treatments, they tell me my reserves should be built up and I will have more energy. It's all very encouraging.

Since I have had the first iron infusion I don't feel a whole lot different, but people say I look different... Check it out.

Yes folks, it's the Giant Metal Net. This is actually a pic my friend Greg sent me. After reading his blog about the Giant Metal Net, we were discussing my iron infusion later that night and he came up with the photo. He's so funny!!

So the other thing that has happened recently is that we moved to a new office building. When I say we I am referring to the EFO team at Wells Fargo Home Mortgage. My team is a great group of people and we do fun stuff like replace DLCR (Desktop Lifecycle Replacement) - that's where we send the boys out to replace people's computers. We also do other fun projects. So the new building is called the Hawthorne Building and it's right off of Jordan Creek Parkway in West Des Moines. It's a really nice part of town and the building is awesome. It's alot more spacious than our old building. Here are some photos. As you can see, we have alot of space, a fountain and pond, and lots of windows.

Notice my desk I have the Totoro wallpaper. it actually looks like I've been working doesn't it? One of the things that is kind of a drag is, no more free tampons and pads. Yeah, they are making us pay for them now. Cheapskates... In any case, I do love my new job and have made some wonderful friends there already. We go out for lunch sometimes and generally enjoy dishing and gossiping about everyone else.

Amie is the DLCR Admin and she reminds me alot of my friend Rachel, but not as evil. Amie is an English major and has long red hair. She's very good about showing me the "easier" and/or "right" ways of doing things.

Laura is the Goddess of Financials. She takes care of the budgets and stuff. Laura is kind of an old-fashioned girl who makes the most beautiful quilts! She often brings in the covers and backs before she quilts them to show us. She's amazing!

Sherri works with the boys and does system imaging and cool stuff like that. Sherri is very cool and wears really cool clothes. I would say her look is impeccable. Plus her husband works at Wells Fargo so she's rich.

Rachel is another contract associate working through Robert Half. She's from California and has a very dry sense of humor. She has a very high IQ and is very intelligent. But she's also kind of nerdy so I can relate to her.

So that's it people. Maybe someday the girls will let me take photos of them to post!

So have a safe and happy Memorial Day cookout. Mine is tomorrow and should be a blast! I am so glad it's finally really Spring. And kitties are too. Take a peek and what they have been doing... a whole lotta layin' in the sun!!

Anal Probe: AKA "My Colon" by Annette Pearson

2007-04-13T06:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, so here's the deal. I have been having some difficulties with my iron. Those who know me, know that I am prone to lightheadedness and fainting spells. Dr. K thinks it is because I'm just not absorbing enough iron from the oral supplements I'm taking. Dr. G thinks maybe I'm losing blood from somewhere. Since I already had the Endoscope shoved down my neck, with no problems, they decided I needed to have a Colonoscopy.

This procedure, while a little invasive, is done to hunt down polyps, diverticula, and the big "C." I agreed to have the procedure and then I found out about the "prep" phase.

So in order to prepare my colon for observation in this fashion, I had to have clear liquids all day on Wednesday (the day before) and then take 4 pills and drink a gallon of something called "Halflytly" to clean out my colon. After the "colon blow" I couldn't drink anything after midnight. I was SO HUNGRY. I think it was the first time I had actually felt hunger pangs since my surgery back in May of 2006! I went to bed without any supper and dreamed sweet dreams of McDonald's breakfast sandwiches...

Joe came to pick me up at 6:10 AM since I had to check in at 7:00. It was 31 degrees and slick from the recent snow storm (set a record of 4 inches - in freaking APRIL - thanks Global Warming...) So we got to the hospital and I had to stop at the LAB (and see what was on the SLAB). The little girl drew my blood and sent me up to surgery.

When they called me in to surgical prep, the nurse removed my cotton ball from the blood draw site on my left arm, and then proceeded to put the BP cuff on the same arm. Well, what happened next was gory. My vein exploded and blood started squirting out of the hole in my arm. Those darn BP cuffs are so tight - I'm talking about the automatic ones, not the old-fashioned ones - that it just squeezed the blood right outta me. She gave me a Garfield bandage so I forgave her.

Next, I got my IV and waited about 45 minutes until they came to get me. I got to the OR room, laid down and took a little nap. Next thing I knew I was in recovery waiting for a cup of coffee (they promised). The nurse told me I would have to pass all the air that they had to pump into me. I was amazed. I think I could have resurrected the Hindenburg.

So I was out of there at 10:30 AM. I guess the good news is, Dr. K didn't really find anything. I have 2 diverticula but that's it. Everything else looked nice and healthy. I did ask for a set of photos so I could post them.

So now, for your pleasure - if you have ever wondered what the inside of someone's ass looks like, here it is in living color. Get the children out of the room... and if you are the least bit squeamish or faint of heart, don't even think about it.

MY COLON, by Annette Pearson:

the first photo shows 4 images at the beginning of the sigmoid colon and then up into the regular colon. Essentially - it's my ass. The Dr. commented on how lovely and pink it was!

Colon Photo 1

This second photo shows the colon a little closer to where the small intestine is attached. you can see the little pockets called diverticula.

Colon Photo 2

Thanks for reading! Take care of your colon - and each other.

I'm In Love With My Car

2007-03-27T20:27:00.000-07:00

The machine of a dream
Such a clean machine
With the pistons a pumpin'
And the hub caps all gleam

When i'm holdin' your wheel
All i hear is your gear
When my hand's on your grease gun
Oh it's like a disease son

I'm in love with my car
Gotta feel for my automobile
Get a grip on my boy racer rollbar
Such a thrill when your radials squeal

Told my girl i'll have to forget her
Rather buy me a new carburetor
So she made tracks sayin'
This is the end now
Cars don't talk back
They're just four wheeled friends now

When i'm holdin your wheel
All i hear is your gear
When i'm cruisin' in overdrive
Don't have to listen to no run of the mill talk jive

I'm in love with my car
Gotta feel for my automobile
I'm in love with my car
String back gloves in my automolove

Words and music by roger taylor of queen

1999 Chrysler 300M
My machine of a dream...

So I really do love my new car. It's not new, but I've had it less than a year. But that little dickins was holding back on me. Not really lying, just withholding information...

So about 2 weeks ago I noticed that my turn signals were blinking really fast. Well, as a seasoned car-trouble professional, I know that means you have burned out light bulbs on that side. But BOTH sides were doing it. Hmm. I went to Theissen's to buy cat food and picked up a package of light bulbs for my car. I came home and got out the instruction manual. The instructions were kind of vague for the front end lights. It involved removing the vinyl mask and then the wheel well cover and basically squeezing underneath the facia and pulling out the bulbs. I just didn't feel up to it. Neither did Eric and as a seasoned manual-reader, he looked at the instructions for a long time.

What the hell, I work in Des Moines, so I'll just pop 'round to Stew Hansen's Dodge City and have the boys put it on the hoist. So last Tuesday I popped 'round and they put it on the hoist and took off the appropriate pieces. I sat in the waiting room drinking coffee and reading the Register. The guy came up and said this "Um, has this car been in an accident?" "Not since I've had it."

"Hmmm, well there's no wiring to the directionals or the fog lamps. Just the headlamps."

"Say Huh?"

It was true. There must have been an incident in my car's past where some half-assed grease monkey decided he didn't need to replace any of the wiring to those lights. So Steve (my shop liaison) said they would have to order parts. Okay, I guess I can handle that.

So I got a rental car to drive home that night. They gave me a 2007 Dodge Charger. Whoooooo... I looked HOT in that baby! It was a pretty sweet ride... but I still like my 300.

So the next day, Steve called and said the car was done and I could come over and pick it up anytime. So I went over there and turned in the Charger and went to the desk.

Eight-Hundred and Fifty-Three dollars later... I had my car back. That's right. Of course most of that was labor, but I imagine it was a labor-intensive procedure.

Later that week, Eric told me he was taking Friday afternoon off to get new tires for his car. "Hmm, that sounds like a good idea" I said, "I think I'll stop at Ben's Saturday morning and have them check out my tires."

Now we all know that once you say something out loud into the universe, the universe says this: "Hmmm, I wonder how I can use this to SCREW up Annette's week..."

Friday (the day BEFORE Saturday for those weekday-challenged), I met Anita and Deann for dinner in Des Moines and then started for home. So I'm tooling down I-80 and listening to a little Huey Lewis and the News, and the next thing I know my front driver's side tire is flat.

Now, I don't have a "Mitch in Shining Armor" so I put on the blinkers, got the crap out of the trunk and started working. I got the car jacked up and the big tire off (and I got grease and dirt on my nice ecru lace top - dammit). I got the mini tire out and I could not lift it up on the bolts. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get it up on there. So I'm swearing and puffing and gnashing my teeth, and all of a sudden - a guy appears behind me and says "Let me take care of that."

A VERY nice-looking young black man in a fluorescent yellow jumpsuit is standing there with power tools. He had come from the other way in a little truck with the words "Highway Helper" on the side.

This is a service offered by the Iowa Department of Transportation. I thought he was from Heaven. He put my little tire on, took the car off the jack, put everything away in the trunk, AND put a little more air in the dinky tire. He gave me a card to complete and mail in to tell the DOT how I liked the service. Well, of course I think it's wonderful. Regular people don't stop to help people anymore. Everyone thinks you're a serial killer. You know, because of the emails we are bombarded with.. No one is going to slash your achille's tendon and steal your car... GAWD...

On the way home from the flat tire incident I was feeling pretty low. I turned my iPod on and a song came on from my friend Greg's CD "RankinStein." Ron Stein does a version of "Louie Louie" that you simply must hear. Greg, is there a way to get it out on the internets so people could listen to it? I ended up listening to it 3 times and laughed and giggled all the way home. So thank you Greg and Ron for that. You made my weekend not suck.

Anyway, I went straight away to Ben's Saturday morning and got 2 new tires. So now I at least feel safe and normal driving my 300. That lying b#tch. I can't believe I never noticed that whole turn signal thing... Anyway. Take care and be careful on the road!!

Global Warming, My A$$...

2007-03-26T20:10:00.000-07:00

Actually I'm pretty certain that global warming played a significant part in the ice storm that we had here at the end of last month.

On Saturday morning, Feb.24, 2007 my electricity went off after about an inch of ice formed overnight Friday night in one of the freakiest storms of the decade. All the trees were broken. Marshall county was one of the 11 counties Gov. Culver declared "of particular concern."

The first 2 nights I stayed at the house. Sunday morning I got up and made hot water for coffee and toast on the grill in the garage.

It was about the same temperature out there as it was in the house. The kitties were certainly annoyed with the whole thing. They were all fluffed out most of the time and spent every night with me under the 17 blankets I used to keep warm.

Monday morning I didn’t go to work, because well, the neighbor’s tree (or part of it anyway) fell on my car. (A note to Kenny, Jill and Greg: Remember when the barn fell on the car? Well, this was kind of like that). There wasn’t much damage, just some scratches.

It really just kind of “pushed” the car down the driveway. I couldn’t have gotten too far anyway because many highways were still closed or reported as being dangerously icy.

Later that morning I went to Anita’s house. Her power had been off from Saturday morning until Sunday evening, so she was back on the grid. She gave me hot coffee and I laid on the couch and slept for another 2 hours. Being cold apparently takes a lot out of you.

When I woke up later, I realized I could not go back to the cold house. I went home, and Anita helped me pack up the ktties and we went to Anita's. Skittles, Miss Wiskers, Totoro and I lived in Anita’s bedroom for the next 5 days. When we left my house it was 42 degrees. The latest I had heard at this point was that they may have power restored by 6 PM March 4th. But then again, it might happen before that. Eric and Joe were without power also, but they have been staying in the camper during the day and sleeping in sleeping bags at the house at night.

The next 5 days were very weird. I enjoyed staying with Anita and actually called her “Mom” twice while I was there. That didn’t go over too well, but she was doing my laundry and making dinner and basically taking care of me.

We went to my house every day to see if the power was on, but it wasn’t happening. The situation was strange because it was as if the electric company guys had to go block by block and some people had power and the person next door didn't. Driving around town was surreal - it was like Armageddon. I was convinced this was the beginning of the End Of Days, but then I hadn’t seen the giant squid yet…

So me and the kitties stayed at Anita’s and we made dinner for Joe and Eric a couple of nights. We got more snow and wind that Thursday (Feb. 29) so work offices were closed on Friday (but I got paid anyway – Whee!)

We made dinner for the boys that night, but that afternoon Anita said she had a feeling – so we went to my house and my power was on! I couldn’t wait to get home! We went and got the kitties and took them over because it was starting to get warm in the house. Then we went back to Anita’s and had dinner. Then I went home and had a shower and started running all my machines (dishwasher, washer, dryer, etc.) Sleeping in my own bed with the kitties was a joy beyond belief. I can't believe how much we rely on technology at this point. I mean I think we could learn to do things the old fashioned way eventually, but if (God forbid) we really did have a real attack on this country. all they would have to do is take out the gas and electric and people wouldn't know what the hell to do.

So one month later, today, it was 82 degrees and sunny. I had the windows all open and kitties are intently watching the apparent bird wars going on in my backyard. The whole ice storm incident seems lights years ago, but it's springtime in Iowa and I guess anything can happen.

Otherwise things are going okay. My brother discovered he has 2 spots of cancer in his brain and is having a high dose radiation treatment tomorrow. If any of you are spiritual, we could sure use your prayers. The doctor thinks that one super dose will take care of it. If not there are other options including surgery, but I don't want to think about that yet until we find out if this is going to work. He will also be starting chemotherapy in a month. I will keep you updated.

So there it is then. I have had some "issues" with my car, but I'm saving that for another time. One other note, Eric obtained the last season of the BBC program "Extras" and we watched them this last weekend. Honestly, if you get a chance, you must see this show. Ricky and Stephen are brilliant and all the guest stars are just amazing.

Hope you are all keeping busy! See you again and take care out there!

Commen-Tater

2007-02-16T17:15:00.000-08:00

I received a couple of comments on the Super Bowl blog from some folks who seemed upset at the use of particular word.

“It is too bad you chose words like fag and faggot in this post-maybe you should be more cognizant of who might be reading....
As an overweight or fat, obese, beefy*, big, blimp, brawny, broad, bulging, bulky, bull, burly, butterball*, chunky*, corpulent, cow, distended, dumpy, elephantine, fleshy, gargantuan, gross, heavy, heavyset*, hefty, husky, inflated, jelly-belly*, lard, large, meaty*, obese, oversize, paunchy, plump, plumpish, ponderous, porcine, portly, potbellied, pudgy*, roly-poly*, rotund, solid, stout, stubby, swollen, thickset*, tubby, weighty, whale person, you know all too well the negative thoughts and feelings hatred and bigotry cause. Your wording expresses this to gay people. I guess you get the drift...
Very disappointing for someone who has probably faced their own discrimination issues.
You stated that you enjoyed Princes' peformance, why didn't you call him a fag too?
His stage which is a sacred symbol to him; represents the integration of male and female sexuality.
Chose your expression carefully as you ARE on the World Wide Web.”

Okay first of all I need to address the intent in which I used the word “fag” (and by the way I never used the word “faggot” as the commenter states). The thing is, I always use that word to describe even manly men as well as gay men. I have known and been friends with, and hung out with, and been in love with, and danced with, and lent money to, and been in car accidents with so many gay men in my life, I think it would surprise even the haggiest of fag-hags. The comment was not meant in a harmful way, and I was not by any means demeaning anyone of the gay persuasion. For that, I apologize.

Sometimes I think we get hung up on words and their meanings and the intentions in which they are used. It’s just the way I am – it’s why I call Greg "a bastard” or my sister’s family “hillbillies” or my nephew “honey.” I have nothing against bastards or hillbillies, it's just words I use.

And then there’s the question of using the word “retard.” Now most people think that’s a cruel moniker for a person who is mentally challenged. For me, having taken care of my mentally retarded aunt for 20 of the last 30 years, I feel like I’m entitled to use that word. I would sometimes call her a retard, but it never hurt her feelings…

I have been called most of the names the reader mentioned (you left out "Jabba" and "Sta-Puft") but you know what, maybe I was all those things. Maybe I’m still some of them, but I don’t care. It’s someone else’s problem. I’m over it. (thanks for putting those in alphabetically order by the way so I can easily file them for later when I get skinny and can make fun of fat people too).

Actually it’s too bad that this person is nitpicking my tiny little insignificant blog, when there are SO many sites on the world wide web that are there solely for the purpose of persecuting groups of people, created by narrow-minded boobs who view those they hate as "different."

I’m impressed with the reader’s passion and I am just as passionate about these issues. See my friend Greg’s blog on the subject here. It’s a mean world and we can’t change it overnight. We can only be careful and kind in and of ourselves and hope some of it rubs off on others. And the reader is right, using hateful words in any forum sometimes fosters those prejudices.

And maybe Prince is a fag too. That’s okay with me.

Why I Love My New Job

2007-02-13T09:23:00.000-08:00

So it's about 10 degrees here and it's been snowing since about 1 AM. I brought home my laptop from work and so I'm "working from home" today. I decided to take a lunch break and catch up on my blog.

So the idea of working from home once in a while when the weather's like this and gas is still $2.11 a gallon is one of the main reasons I love my job. There are many others:

- In the breakroom we have FREE coffee, hot water and teabags, and a filtered ice and water machine.

- In the women's bathroom there are FREE tampons and pads and tissues.

- The parking lot is paved (only MICA people will appreciate why this is a big deal)

- There is a security guard named George who greets you with a smile every morning. Since it's a secure building we have little badges that have electronic things that open the doors.

- There are other people in my department who know the same things I do! Like how to write an SQL query or Access VB script!

Of course there are some things that bug me about work...

- The Smoking Woman (akin to the smoking man from X-Files). She goes out to smoke about every 45 minutes. She uses the restroom and gets a drink and so really only works 45 minutes out of every hour. I'm not sure that's fair to us non-smokers, but then life and the universe aren't fair.

- The Balloon Lady. There is a lady who has balloons ALL the time. Not just for special occasions, these balloons. Her newest ones are star-shaped. I don't know why she has them, but she must really love balloons.

- There is a girl and a guy who work accross the "hallway" (it's actually open, but I call it the hallway). The guy comes up to the girl's desk and they go out (I'm assuming to smoke also). Sometimes they go get coffee together. I can't decide if they are having an affair (the girl has a wedding ring, the boy does not) or if they are just good friends. It's probably the latter. Kind of like me and Andy were at MICA.

- Why are there sombreros on top of some people's cabinets? I don't know. Laura says they were there when they moved in. I mentioned we should have a "Fiesta" sometime for lunch and make the guys wear those hats. She agreed. We're working out the details.

- Why is the ice and water machine in the breakroom so LOUD? I mean if you go there to eat, you can't really hear the TV (did I mention we have TV in the breakeroom? Another perk). And forget it if you're trying to make a phone call in there. Yikes.

- There are always interesting smells in my building. Sometimes it smells like Indian food (this happens alot). Usually there is a distinctive morning smell and afternoon smell. Yesterday, it smelled like cinnamon rolls in the morning and in the afternoon - sewer gas. Mmmm....

- Of course then there is the age-old question: "WHAT IS FOR LUNCH?" Eric used to do a phony MICA newspaper called the "MICA Tattler" where in every issue on the front in the list of articles, this question would appear. For me it's usually soup or a salad, sometimes a sandwich; cottage cheese; a banana; etc. Some people go out for lunch, and my boss, Scott, usually goes and gets a Subway sandwich that sits on his desk until about 3:00 pm when he gets to actually eat it.

All in all it's a fun place and I'm enjoying it.

Be safe and look for the next blog wherein I will discuss my theory on the Antichrist. I know Greg's looking forward to that one.

Well, I wouldn't call it "Super..."

2007-02-05T16:35:00.000-08:00

So the bears lost. Oh well, at least they scored and how about that opening return for a touchdown? What a thrill! Then there were so many turnovers, I thought the Pillsbury Doughboy was playing! At least it wasn't the stupid Patriots again - fags...

Then before the game, there was this weird kind of opening ceremony - a la the Olympics - where the Cirq Du Soleil performed. It was kind of this weird, surreal faggy football ballet/circus act. I guess that's how the French see American Football...

The half-time show was a hit for me when Prince performed "Purple Rain" in the pouring rain. He was a blast! And yes, it's okay to have different guitars for different songs. The Prince "symbol" guitar was my favorite - especially when the curtain came up around him so it looked like he had a giant arrow for a [insert euphemism for male organ here].

Anyway I hosted a kick-ass Superbowl party nonetheless. Joe, Eric, Anita and Gregory came over for snacks and supper. It was a blast. I made my famous Aunt Nette's Black and Blue Division Cheese Soup (made with ham, 3 kinds of cheese, cayenne, mustard, and Texas Pete hot sauce - Yumm).

Also on the menu were authentic Chicago Style Dragged-Through-The-Garden Hot Dogs. I ordered poppy seed rolls from the Dahl's store in Johnston and picked them up on Friday. I couldn't get Vienna Beef dogs, so I settled for Hebrew National. They were all beef and kosher so they worked out great! I actually ate a better part of one of the dogs, but of course couldn't finish it. It was yummy though. The whole experience took me back to the wonderful day I spent in Chicago with Greg and Kimber trying out and rating the Chicago dogs. "Thanks fer stoppin'!"

For appetisers I made tiny pigs in blankets. I used Hormel Little Smokies cocktail sausages, and cut my Pillsbury Cresent rolls into fourths. I wrapped each smokie in the tiny cresent and baked 'em until GBD (Golden Brown and Delicious). I served them with a barbecue sauce and a creole mustard sauce. They went pretty fast.

Along with those things we had the usual chips and dip and dill pickle spears as nice accompaniments. Brownie sundaes for dessert were not turned away by anyone (except me of course).

All in all, it was a success - except for the actual result of the game. The Bears gave it a go and they lost. It's the way it is.

I have to apologize for taking so long to get a new post out. I have an entire list of topics so people get off my back!! I'm a working woman again and it's taking me some time to get into the routine and the commute. I do have some photos since it was requested. I'm down 148 pounds now - so I'm about 64% of the way to my desired weight. Not bad! Here is a photo of me from last Christmas (thanks Greg - this is the worst photo I have seen of myself for a long time) next to a cutout of me from this year's group shot. I was down 135 here so I'm a teeny bit skinnier, but not much.

So there you have it. Football season is over but we still have Spring to look forward to - only 4 more weeks (since Phil didn't see his shadow) and we'll be Ready to Mow the Grass Again (that's the new Barry Manilow song I just wrote to the tune of "Ready to Take a Chance Again") I'm weird - what can I say. Rachel and Greg know about the whole lyrics thing so they can explain it.

Have a good one! Stay warm!

Back in the Saddle Again

2007-01-14T18:48:00.000-08:00

Thanks for the support on the shower gel thing. I got over it, eventually, and yes Jill I did have to brush my teeth with toothpaste...

So the interview went really well. In fact it went so well they hired me the day and I started work on Monday! That's right! So I've been there a week and I can tell you that it's almost completely opposite of where I used to work.

First of all, I work at a building that is nothing but computer nerds. That's right, I'm in my element because computer nerds love me. Mostly because I know what they are talking about but also because I'm funny (sorry no need for modesty here - I lost that when they took away my underpants in the hospital in May). Everyone there is really nice and helpful. I'm in charge of finishing up a project by the end of March involving Active Directory - which I didn't know anything about but I learned pretty fast. The second project will start in April and I will be coordinating site surveys and gathering data to analyze for the Remote Users Support System project. And folks, that's the kind of stuff I know.

Now, why is this different than the last place I worked? Well, let me start by talking about meetings. When we have a meeting that's scheduled from 2 to 3 pm - you better believe it's over at 3 pm. In my previous position, everyone had to get to the the meeting (no conference calls), then we had to listen to everyone's stuff (for lack of a better word) for about 4 hours. Sometimes we'd get a lunch break and sometimes we wouldn't. Sometimes these meetings would last for 6 hours. In the place I work now, everyone has tasks to do and those tasks need to get done WITHIN the range of the business day... so there's no fooling around (okay there's a little, but not too much). So we never work after 5 pm or on weekends.

It's the corporate world now, baby and I think I'm going to fit in. I really like it so far and I will be giving updates as things progress. Who knows, in 6 months I might hate it, but right now I'm crazy about it. I have my own desk in my own cube and my own computer and everything. Oh, and Rachel - there's a section of the building that is nothing but files - in a file room - with file clerks that do nothing but file stuff - and yes it's locked...

So this came as kind of a surprise, but a good one. And it came at a pretty good time - because I NEED MONEY!

Next - my friend Greg and his buddies used to mess around in the recording studio when he worked in Chicago. His "band" called Rankenstein did some pretty cool stuff. Some videos were recently uploaded to Youtube, so here are the links:
Mr. Shu: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzC2eNLf76Q
Action Figure (I sing all the background female vocals on this one!): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RP2lRtOgm0
Asian Babes on Parade: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlZePl-ZQpM

Enjoy!

Mmmm, Misty Rose...

2007-01-03T20:19:00.000-08:00

I received a lovely Christmas gift from my sister, Anita of a shower gel, perfume and lotion. It's a lovely gift. So tonight when I went to take a shower (I have a job interview tomorrow so I have to get up EARLY), I decided I'd like to try the shower gel. Of course I didn't decide this until I was already naked and in the shower. So I reach out and grab the tube of gel from the shelf.

Now, I think that stores should have a special section just for adults who have a problem with child-proof caps and what-not. They should be able to sell just a bottle of soap that you take the top off and you're ready to go. Unfortunately, I am not in charge of these sorts of decisions.

So I'm trying to get the damn bottle open, and there's a shrink wrap seal around the lid. Now, my Mom taught me by example that if you don't have a pair of scissors or a knife, it's okay, just use your teeth. That's the way we did things on the farm. So I start biting this plastic wrapping and things get a little out of hand and slippery and, well, the lid came off and I squirted about a tablespoon or better of liquid Misty Rose soap right into my mouth.

So I'm spitting the stuff out and cussing and I figured I'd just rinse with the shower. So I stuck the hand held shower into my mouth and my mouth foamed for about ten minutes straight.

Now, I have never had my mouth washed out with soap, but I can tell you that it is not a very pleasant experience. And even though the soap was a pretty pink color and smelled very nice, it tasted like crap.

So here's the moral of the story:
1. Don't wait until you're in the shower to open any bottles or tubes.
2. Don't try to open things with your teeth unless it's a life or death situation.
3. If you have children, PLEASE don't make them wash their mouths out with soap. Just live with the swearing.

Happy New Year!

2006-12-31T20:04:00.000-08:00

So after a successful and fun Christmas holiday in Marshalltown, it is now the eve of 2007. I have had some time to contemplate and here is my list for the year.

Things I Did That I'm Proud Of

I had 2 operations and a procedure to help me lose weight.
I lost 140 pounds.
I quit a job that had been my career for 13 years but was unhealthy for me.
I sat in a booth in a restaurant.
I can wash my entire back without a brush.
I can sit indian style when playing my guitar again.
I cut my hair and colored it for the first time in several years.

Things I Did That I'm Not so Proud Of

I put off finding out why I couldnt' eat without throwing up.
I haven't exercized as much as I should have.
I ate sugar tonight (I'm going to regret this tomorrow morning).

Things I Haven't Done Yet But I Want to Do This Year

Find a job at which I'm happy where I can make some money.
Lose 50 more pounds.
Have my hernia fixed.
Have a face lift and boob lift (this might have to wait until 2008 depending on the whole money situation).
Go to Cedar Point and ride each roller coaster 3 times.
Visit my friends in Colorado and at least put ON a pair of skis.
Clean my home office and paint it.

Things That Bug Me

Fancy Feast Cat Food advertises a new line of cat food which it says is "restaurant inspired." Here's a clue: Cats don't care. They have no concept of what "poached salmon florentine in a delicate sauce with greens" even means. If they had a choice, cats would eat the intestines and brains out of a cold, dead rat. Organ meats are what they like - it's the best part! These ads have to stop.

People wearing pajamas to Wal-Mart. What is up with this? When did it become okay to go anywhere you please in your pajamas? I know the weather has been nice, but come on... these crackers need to put on some PANTS!

My car battery is dead. I went out this morning to go to the Hy-Vee and nothing happened. I called Joe and he and Eric came over and jumped me. I went to Wal-Mart Auto and the guy there said they can't service my Chrysler because the battery is under the front fender and they are not equipped to do it. I don't know why, but oh well. I guess I'll call John Helfer on Tuesday. (did I mention that I'm in love with John Helfer?)

In conclusion...
I would like to start the new year on a positive note, so as I sit here alone at the computer, I am not alone. All my friends and family are with me and I hope they know I am with them. Thanks for a great year and I am looking forward to big things in 2007! Have a Happy and Safe New Year!

The Medical Adventures of Dawna

2006-12-21T11:02:00.000-08:00

Tuesday (2 days ago) I had a procedure where the Dr. looks into your gullet through a tube with a little light on the end that he sticks down your neck. It wasn't a bad experience.

The anesthesiologist was really nice and he gave me some medicine to calm my stomach so I wouldn't get nauseous. Then he came in to the little waiting room with what appeared to be a can of WD-40. He said "I'm going to spray this in the back of your throat. It will numb your throat and limit the gag reflex." (now that sounded interesting and I was wondering where I could get some for those occasional times I would need to limit my gag reflex - right Greg?) But what happened was, he said "Now this is going to taste like bananas." Really? But he stuck that long tube into the back of my neck and sprayed and OH MY GAWD! I started gagging and coughing and spitting! It may have smelled like bananas, but it tasted just like WD-40... or lydocaine because that's what it was.

So then they took me into the OR and put me on the little table. The Dr. gave me some medicine to help me "relax." I am here to tell you that was some good stuff! I think I expressed my true feelings for Dr. K. at that time... but it's a little foggy to me now. It must have been versed because Mom had that when she had this same procedure. She couldn't remember anything!

So after I had a nice little dream where the cute anesthesiologist was singing at my Christmas party, they woke me up and took me to a recovery room. I got dressed and had a piece of toast and a cup of coffee! Dr. K. came in and told me they had found a stenosis in the little area where my small intestine was reconnected to my little stomach. A stenosis is a narrowing of the opening. So he used a balloon thingy on the scope and pushed it open. Sometimes it takes more than one time of doing that to completely fix the thing, but some people have it once and it works. Hopefully that will be me. the photo shows a normal digestive system, but in mine it's different because I have a little tiny stomach now and the stenosis was in the place where they reattached the intestine to the stomach.

So now I'm eating and drinking and I haven't had that thing happen to me since. Of course it's only been a couple of days but I have been trying new foods (i.e. not soup) so I can tell if it's working. I had some chicken and yesterday Anita and I ate at Latin King and I had some pasta with prociutto and cheese and an antipasto plate of artichokes, tomatoes, white beans and boiled potatoes. It was delicious!

Anita and I went to Des Moines yesterday to finish our Christmas shopping. It was a zoo! Best Buy was the worst. There were at least a giga-gillion people there and they were just standing there. Toys 'R' Us was not so hot either. There were women with carts just standing in the aisles with a sort of dazed look on their faces. I'm sure they were just wiped out from the shopping and the kids and their jobs... lucky me! No kids, AND no job!

This will probably be my last blog before the holidays so just let me say thank you to all the friends and relatives that were there for me and supported me through my operations and all. I appreciate and love you all so much! Happy Holidays!

EGDs and Bowling...

2006-12-17T19:43:00.000-08:00

Next Tuesday I am having a procedure called Esophagogastroduodenoscopy or for those demanding fewer keystrokes - EGD. It's an examination of the lining of the esophagus, stomach, and upper duodenum with a small camera (flexible endoscope) which is inserted down the throat. Dr. Kermode decided I should have one of these since I saw him on the 11th and I am still having these problems eating and then getting sick and throwing up. He thinks it might be a stricture or a closing up of a flap in the opening where my small intestine was reattached to my little stomach. What happens in this case is, the food gets in the stomach, but won't pass through into the intestine, hence the making you sick part. The good news is, this hasn't happened to me since I saw the Dr. ('natch), but I'm still going to have the procedure!

So anyways, Dr. Kermode and I talked about the whole fainting thing also so he sent me to an internist in Grinnell named Doctor Gonduwe (GAWN-doo-way). He's South African and has beautiful skin and a very cool English accent. So he did a bunch of tests to see if there was some other underlying condition causing the fainting symptoms. I went to MMSC Saturday morning where they took 3 of my 5 pints of blood (ugh) and then I had something called a Holter Monitor hooked up to me. This is basically a heart monitor that you have to wear for 24 hours and the little iPod thingy you wear on a belt records all your heartbeats and stuff. It was kind of cool... at first. Then along about bedtime I got really tired of it. But I survived and I had it removed this morning. Anyway he is going to let me know what he finds out. Hopefully after this whole thing on Tuesday I will be good to go for a while... I hope.

A week ago Saturday (Dec. 9), my great niece Katie (remember her from the last post) came to stay with my sister Anita. Saturday they came over and Katie wanted to go bowling. Really? Bowling? So I called Totem Bowl and they were having Cosmic Bowling from 1 to 3. So I made a reservation.
We went over there and had lunch first and then they turn on the black lights and disco balls and we bowled with fluorescent pink balls and they played loud music. It was a BLAST! I got alot of exercize and I had so much fun! Until I pulled a hammy... that's right. So I had to limp around for a little bit, but remember I haven't been able to do much physically for a while now. But this was really freeing! I think it's my new sport. (Like I had a sport before - well, watching TV) The photos are not actually at Totem Bowl but it looks just like that. I think when everyone gets home for Christmas, we should go do this. Like I said, it's a BLAST!

So today I got the rest of my presents wrapped and things straightened up. Eric is seeing a surgeon on Wednesday. He has an "intermittent small intestinal blockage" so we don't know if he's going to have surgery or not. This has just been a weird couple of weeks. I will keep all posted. If I don't talk to you soon, I will see all y'all at Christmas!

net

It's Beginning to Look Alot Like Christmas...

2006-12-07T09:05:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I'm a little confused this year. I have my decorations up, all my presents wrapped, my Christmas menus all planned... it's only December 7! That's okay. I'm just so stress-free this year that I guess I feel more like doing things. Here is a photo of the afore-mentioned tree. It looks a little rougher today than it did a few days ago when this photo was taken. Totoro likes to climb and chew on the branches.

In more news - I won't know about my job until next week because they have to present it to their board and the board has to approve it. Gabe (my job broker) told me that they really liked me. Then he asked me some weird questions about how I handle conflict. I told him that I usually try to be diplomatic, but if it's too bad, I remove myself from the situation and then go back and talk to that person. He said it wasn't because there are alot of "hotheads" there, but he said "You just were so sweet sitting there in your sweater and you were so nice..." Hmmm, he don't know me vewy well, do he? I told him I had been working for a LOOONG time and have had many opportunities to hone my conflict-resolution skills. I don't take crap and I'm diplomatic. Skills I learned at MICA, thanks to my friend and former boss Dave. I appreciated Gabe's concern, but he's probably 26 or 28 and never had any conflicts at work before. In any case, the job probably won't start until January which is fine with me! I have the rest of December to kick it and celebrate with family and friends!

On the home front, Totoro has developed a new strategy regarding the food dish. She puts her toys inside the food dish so the other kitties won't eat too much of her food. It's interesting but annoying to the other kitties.

Anita and I went to our grand-niece Katie's Christmas concert Tuesday night at BCLUW. It was delightful! It's been a long time since I had been to a school concert. The kids were great and the music directors were so proud of them! I had a great time and Katie was SO CUTE in here velvet jacket! She plays trumpet in the band and is in the choir. She reminds me so much of Wendy when she was little (GAWD, I'm OLD!)

Isn't she the cutest thing?

So in conclusion, I hope all your days are merry and bright and all your Christmases are white. Have a Happy!

South of Round Rock, Texas

2006-11-29T13:51:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm almost recovered from the Thanksgiving Iowa-to-Texas Goodwill Tour. I was in alot of airports that week... As it turned out I had a lovely time. I have the best friends in all the whole entire universe. They are just always right there for me - even if they don't know what to do next.

Eric and I flew down on Wednesday and ended up catching an earlier flight from Houston to Austin. That was cool. Mitch, Greg, and Mitch's girlfriend Laura arrived at about the same time so all worked out pretty well. We went out to Papasito's Wednesday night (my very favorita Mexican restaurant).

A festive holiday all around. We had a lovely dinner on Thursday with turkey and all the trimmings including WHOLE BERRY cranberry sauce! It was sort of in the shape of a can, but kind of lumpy. I still can't figure out how Kenny gets that stuff to look like a can every year...

That day I did have another fainting episode, but Mitch and Greg (and the rest) were right there to help. Greg even sat on the floor with me for a while while I recovered. And Jill took my blood pressure, which was kind of normal. I'm going to have to revisit that little problem with the Doctor sometime.

The rest of the time I spent there was absolutley wonderful and stress-free. We went to Ikea (a marvelous landscape), caught the new Bond flick (yummy!), and had a picnic near the Round Rock. Greg took photos which he was nice enough to share with me. Visit his blog An Analog Man in a Digital World.

There’s something goin’ down in the little town
South of Round Rock Texas
They greet you with a smile like its goin’ out of style
South of Round Rock Texas
They do the two-step to every song that’s played
You can keep your new step they like it their own way
The music is alive and kickin’ every night
South of Round Rock Texas

Now nothing can compare to the ladies you find there
South of Round Rock Texas
They’re sweet as you please, got loads of hospitality
South of Round Rock Texas

If you ever go there you’re gonna wanna stay
If you’re ever leavin you’ll be back again one day
There’s something ‘bout these parts, man they live inside your heart.
South of Round Rock Texas

They do the two-step to every song that’s played
You can keep your new step they like it their own way
The music is alive, it’s kickin’ every night
South of Round Rock,
South of Round Rock,
Just south of Round Rock Texas
~ Dale Watson, Cheatin' Heart Attack

Thank you again to my gracious hosts, Kenny and Jill. And thank you to my old friends Greg and Mitch and my new friend, Laura.

More news - I have a job interview tomorrow in Des Moines at a place called "The Iowa League of Cities." Does that sound like a Superman-comic-booky-type of thing? Jill says maybe I'll get to wear a cape! "The LEAGUE OF CITIES commands you!" I can't wait. I will let you know how it goes.

I wanted to start putting up Christmas decorations today, but didn't quite get things cleaned up the way I wanted yet. This has to be the earliest I have actually even wanted to start decorating. I even have a "craft" project that I think I'm going to do. Well, all this depends on the whole job situation of course.

I didn't make any profound discoveries except for one. Airports are really big and you have to walk alot. But it's worth it to get to spend time with your best buddies and then you get to come home to your kitties. Both of whom will love you unconditionally and occasionally lick your face.

Stage Fright

2006-11-20T18:42:00.000-08:00

"See the man with the stage fright
Just standin' up there to give it all his might.
And he got caught in the spotlight,
But when we get to the end
He wants to start all over again."
- Bob Dylan (1974)

So it's Monday night and I'm getting ready to board several airplanes and fly to Austin Texas to spend Thanksgiving with my wonderful friends Kenny and Jill. My friends Mitch and Laura and Greg are also coming from Denver. I'm guessing that Lynn and Dan will be there too. So what's the problem? What's bugging you, Annette you ask?

Well, it's almost like getting stage fright.

I've been planning this and playing it over in my head ever since I had the initial surgery in May. I'll get off the plane and come down the escalator and they will all be so surprised to see me! I look different now. What will I wear? What will I say? What will my friends say? Will they treat me differently? Will I act different? How have I changed?

I know I'm just worried about nothing because my friends are 100% supportive. They have given me great feedback on this blog and in my life. I know nothing will change and they will always be there for me as I am for them.

I have alot to be thankful for this year.

"If it's not one thing, it's another..."

2006-11-06T08:50:00.000-08:00

As Rosanne Rosannadanna put it so succincly, "It's always something."

I was released from the hospital yesterday (and for the third time this calendar year). Friday night I started having what I can only describe as excrutiating pains in my groin and side. I mean this was bad. So Anita drove me all the way to Grinnell (so's not to have to deal with the Marshalltown idiots). The ER doc examined me, in between my dry heaves, and decided I should have some x-rays.

Then another doctor came in and examined me and proceeded to press very hard on every place that hurt. EVERY place including my pubis, and no, I didn't enjoy it (even though he was a cute little asian doctor - probably a resident). So he decided I should have a CAT scan.

They gave me what I can only guess was LOADS of morphine and then took me to a room and admitted me. Later after a drug-induced nap of some sort, I was told to "drink this within the next 20 minutes." The liquid was room temperature and white and chalky. The girl with the cool glasses told me it was for contrast on the CAT scan. Okie Dokie...

After 45 minutes and a giant dose of toredal (another pain medicine), she came back and whisked me to a room with a giant doughnut in it. The machine told me when to breathe and when to hold my breath. Cool.

I was wheeled back to my room at lightning speed (I don't know why those girls walk so fast!) and put back into bed where I slipped off into a dream-like state while Eric had to sit with me and watch Food Porn on Foodnetwork. I told him to go home - "you can't do any more good back there, Wedge!"

So the verdict was that I had (or have) a kidney stone. Now, I find out that gastric bypass patients are PRONE to getting kidney stones, but I don't remember reading that in any of the literature or brochures. Anyway, I stayed overnight there (Saturday) and this morning I had more x-rays (something called a "KUB" which I'm guessing is "Kidney, Ureter, Bladder"). So then later this morning, Dr. Bandstra, the urologist, called me and told me that he was sure he had seen a stone, but in today's pictures, he didn't see it. He thinks I may have passed it, but it didn't show up in my urine (yes, they were straining my urine, kind of like panning for gold - only different).

So he called later and decided I should just go home since I wasn't having any more pain and hadn't thrown up my Rice Krispies. I do have to go back and see him on Tuesday and I guess we will go from there.

Anyway, I wanted to let you all know that I'm doing all right and I'm back
home again. I'm still planning on coming to Texas for Thanksgiving. And I have alot to be thankful for.

A special shout-out to my sister Anita for holding my head up while I puked. I love you without limits.

Some housekeeping business:

1. Don't forget to vote on Tuesday! So we can get those f*cking republican bastards out of there! Oh, sorry, that was meant to be a non-partisan message.

2. Don't forget to watch LOST on Wednesday on ABC at 8:00 PM Central time. It's the last one before the winter break and I hear it's a doozy.

The Person I LOST

2006-10-26T10:26:00.000-07:00

My friend Jill said in a comment that she weighed 108 pounds when she graduated High School (thanks for the inspiration for this blog, Jill). So because I have now lost 120 pounds and that could easily be another person, this blog is about the person that I lost along the way.

The person I lost was Afraid. Afraid to go out in public. Afraid to go to movies because she didn't fit in the seat. Afraid to go to parties or social events where there might be people that she didn't know who might stare at her. Afraid to try physical things because she might fall, or worse, fail.

The person I lost was Angry. Angry because people stared and pointed at her. Angry at the universe because she was different than everyone else. Angry because sometimes her friends and family were embarrassed by her.

The person I lost was Greedy. She always ordered the item on the menu that would provide the most food. She never left food on her plate because that was a waste. She was a member of the Clean Plate Club for sure. She would sometimes hide candy and snacks so that visitors wouldn't eat her precious treats.

The person I lost was Ungrateful. Ungrateful of life's most simple pleasures like taking a walk in the crisp autumn air. Like being able to fasten her seat belt in a friend's car. Like having the most wonderful and supportive friends and family in the world. People who never judged her because of her size. People who loved her unconditionally.

Today I have lost alot of weight but have gained many things including confidence, fearlessness, self-esteem, and I am grateful for it. I'm grateful for the wonderful chance I have been given to live a life that will someday be free of prejudice and many medical problems. Grateful for my family and friends whom I love dearly.

So goodbye to that person I lost. Her name was Annette too, but more like the evil twin Annette with a mustache and goatee...

Things That Weigh One Hundred Pounds

2006-10-03T09:03:00.000-07:00

So it's true, I'm down 103 pounds so far! I think that calls for a celebration. So I went online and started collecting things that weigh 100 pounds. I know that sounds weird, but for people who don't know what 100 pounds feels like, this might be helpful. So if you're wondering how much better I feel from losing the weight, try strapping any of the following onto your back and walking up the basement stairs:

First of all, a Burpee Big Maxx pumpkin with a 70" diameter weighs in at 100 pounds. That includes all the gunk inside that you have to scrape out to make a jack-o-lantern.

Next, for all you aviation fans out there, a Rotax 503 2 cylinder, 2 stroke, fan-cooled airplane engine weighs in at 100 pounds. But it can still fly...

A large male deer can easily weigh 100 pounds.

A hellfire missle (or HAL-3) weighs 100 pounds and can blow up a tank.

Baloo, the dog, is a sloppy-faced beast who weighs 100 pounds but thinks he weighs 10 pounds. He's very sweet - I found him online at Dogster.com. He's a Newfoundland! Try strapping this guy to your back!

A Barrett M-99 benchrest rifle also weighs 100 pounds (I don't know how I found this out, but here it is anyway)

A Hawkbill Sea Turtle can weigh up to 300 pounds, but most only weigh around 100-135 pounds. These turtles are about 2-1/2 feet long. Neat, huh?

Finally, here is a photo of a propane tank. This is a 48 pound tank, but most of our gas grill tanks are 30 pounds. TWO of these tanks, full of propane weigh 100 pounds. Now, if you have ever had to get a refill on your propane tank, you know how heavy these things are. Well, here are 2 of them, at a little more than your gas grill tank weighs. This is how much weight I have LOST. I went to buy cat food the other day, and was having trouble carrying a 25 pound bag of Science Diet up the front step! How did I ever carry around all that FAT? It boggles my mind, but I'm glad for it.

Thanks for listening!

The First Day of the Rest of ... oh you know...

2006-09-19T12:45:00.000-07:00

First I want to say thank you to those who left such womderful and meaningful comments for me. I appreciate your support and love so much and I can really feel it. I love you guys.

The old cliche is really true. It is a new day for me. Yesterday I had a Dr. appointment where I got a good review. My blood test revealed that I need to take calcium and iron (oh goody - to those who have never taken iron supplements, it makes your bathroom experiences very interesting). So that was a good thing. I made some phone calls when I got back and drove out to Staples and then to the Post Office. Then I came home and had a nap. That's right - I laid down with Skittles and we had a CAT NAP. Right there on a Monday. Amazing. I know that will all end once I'm working full time again, but right now - it's what me and Skittles needed to do.

My last day at work was last Friday. It was very surreal. Tim (the temp guy) is completely overwhelmed. I don't think he's going to take the job if they offer it to him. It's not just a technical job, it's policy, dealing with people and groups of people, meetings (lots of meetings), and whatever else you can think of.

So then they had a "party" for me where they had a giant cake - in pink no less! Everyone who happened to be there at central office was there. It was a Friday in September and usually lots of people take the rest of their vested leave days toward the end of September so folks are scarce. They gave me a gift, which was a pink leather purse from Younkers. It's beautiful. The rest of the day I spent deleting stuff off my computer and putting sticky notes on the piles of work and papers on my desk. Bizarre.

So I left about 4:00 and came home with all my gifts (Angela and Christy also gave me presents), and then Jeff, Anita and I went to Ames to Hickory Park for dinner. We talked a little bit about work on the way there and then I decided not to even think about MICA for the rest of the weekend.

Saturday Joe and Eric took us to the Planned Parenthood book sale at the state fair grounds - and No, it wasn't to buy books about planned parenthood. The proceeds from the sale went to the organization. So I picked up a few books and that was fun.

Sunday was football day and I made black bean chili. It came out pretty tasty! I'm getting back into cooking because it's such a nurturing experience for me, that I really missed it. As long as I stick to my rules and try to make lower fat dishes, I will be just fine. I'm down below 300 pounds now, and it's been a while since I've been this weight. I think I was 8...

Anyway so I am officially unemployed (right now) and feeling very footloose and fancy free at the moment. I'm sure that will change, but for now, in the words of the hardest workin' man in show business - I FEEL GOOD! NA NA NA NA NA NA NA! I KNEW THAT I WOULD NOW!

Last Dance

2006-09-13T16:57:00.000-07:00

Friday is my last day at MICA. Last weekend I went in on Saturday and met with Angela to show her a few things, and then Anita came over and we packed up everything in my office into 3 boxes. As we were leaving it occurred to me that there was 12 years of my life in those boxes; the pillow guitar that Dave H. gave me to play air guitar, the "Buffalo" award that Dave D. gave me, the picture Rachel drew of a lobster saying "Eat Me." These are incredible memories and at least I still have those "things." As we left I didn't know if I should feel glad or sad. It was emotional, but I just didn't know what emotion it was.

Last Friday, Myra informed me that they hired a temp from Robert Half in Des Moines on a 90 day contract. His name is Tim. He came to work on Tuesday and I have been working with him this week. Let me just say that it's impossible to impart 12 years of knowledge and experience to someone in 4 days. At least he will have Angela and Becky there to help him understand some things. After a meeting this morning he came into my office and said "This isn't just technical work." I said "No, far from it." He said "You do so much with policy, grant requirements, compliance issues, how do you do that and still do all this technical work?" Well, that's the real trick, isn't it? I don't know. It's experience. I just hope that things will get on track and they will be successful with my department. I will miss the people there, that is for sure.

So now I have 2 days of work left and I'm starting to get a little crazy. There are so many things I wanted to finish, but I guess some of those things just won't get finished. I don't know what else to say. I'm just not willing to work all day and at night on this stuff. I will show Tim what I can, and then he can email me with questions (I already gave him my email address).

My emotions are mixed right now and I'm having a little trouble sleeping. I hope this goes away eventually. This was probably the biggest decision I've ever made in my life and I don't regret making it. As my friend Mick said, "There is life after MICA..."

Stay tuned.

"I... am... OUTTA HERE!"

2006-09-01T19:58:00.000-07:00

Thank you Dennis Miller!

So I gave my 2 week notice on Wednesday. Yeah, I know it really was hard too. At some point while I was off work I came to a realization that it wasn't really working out at work. I was overworked (I know why Arlene... no lectures please), I wasn't really going anywhere, and the pressure cooker environment just was not good for my health. You know alot of people think that the second surgery I had was a result of something that went wrong in the first surgery. It was not. I had an ulcer and it perforated. And the thing is, that ulcer was already there. Another stress-related disorder. I think between myself and Deb, we've experienced about every stress-related medical condition. I had shingles, TMJ, Meniere's; she had excema, heart palpitations, etc. Anyway, all that aside, I made a decision that I needed to get to the root of the problem and stop treating the symptoms.

Before my surgery, whenever I got upset, angry, depressed or stressed out, I would come home and eat EVERYTHING I COULD GET MY HANDS ON. So since I can't do that anymore, well, actually I buy things like new cars and Italian leather purses, but that's beside the point.

The point is . . . well my friend Kimber said it best in an analogy:
If you keep getting gonorrhea... and you keep buying penicillin to treat your gonorrhea... the problem isn't that you keep getting gonorrhea... the problem is that you're a WHORE! (I still loves me kitty, Kimber!)

So I decided that I was tired of being a whore and now I'm going to have a whole new life. I have more confidence, more energy, and I want to try something new. It's not that I don't think MICA does good work, it does and it's never the people. I love everyone (well, almost everyone) that I have worked with there over the last 12 years. The people are what makes MICA what it is - they put their whole hearts into their work. I just couldn't do it anymore though.

Sometimes I think that while I was off work, I saw things happening at work from a different perspective. I guess what I mean is, I wasn't there to buffer things, and I didn't like the way I saw people being treated. I felt bad when I first made this decision because I wasn't going to be there to "take care" of my team, but you know what? They're all grown women. And strong women and I think they can take care of themselves and will do what they can to make it work. I know they are going to hire someone to kind of take my place, but can anyone really take my place? Okay now I'm just blowing...

So there it is then. I'm going to experience new things and meet new people and I'm out there. Get ready, because here I come!

Takin' What They're Givin' Cuz I'm Workin' For A Livin'

2006-08-22T19:20:00.000-07:00

Well, the rest of the Hospital Chronicles is kind of boring. The next Monday I had an X-Ray that showed everything had healed and then they let me DRINK and eventually EAT and then they let me go home. I was off for about another 2 weeks and then started back to work part-time from home only (under strict orders from Stephanie, the PA-C). So that was fine, and then on August 15, I started back to work full time. Thank GAWD! I need MONEY!

So things are going okay. I have been eating food with little incident, except on occasion, I will have a reflux kind of thing where I know the food is in the stomach, but it feels like I have to throw up. Actually it's kind of like when you have to belch, but you can't and your chest and everything hurts! That really bugs me but I have dealt with it. I think the reason is, that I just get too excited about food! Every time we go out with Joe and Eric I'm always begging them to order something so I can smell it, or they can eat it and then tell me what it tastes like, what it feels like in their mouth, etc. (easy, there Greg - you have a dirty mind).

Yes I live vicariously through others when it comes to food. I guess food has been such a huge part of my life, it's hard to let go all at once. I honestly don't think I could go back to eating the way I did before even if it was possible, I wouldn't do that. It's not worth it. What is worth it is to have my knees feel about 80% better than they ever have. And be able to sit in the car without my belly rubbing on the steering wheel.

There are little setbacks that happen but overall I think this was a great idea. I'm getting stronger and more confident every week and I actually feel better about myself. It's weird because I never really thought I had a self-esteem problem, but as it turns out I guess I did.

Last weekend at the Hy-Vee, I was walking out of the store with my sacks and there was a kind of a dirty guy standing outside eating a hamburger. He was poorly dressed and kind of smelly and had 2 wacky eyes. He raised his hand and said "How'r you doin' today?"

"Fine. Thanks," I replied and started walking briskly toward my car. I glanced to the left and he was walking right next to me.

"Are you single?" he inquired.

"Um, no. I'm not single." I kept walking. He hung his head dejectedly. "Oh, that's too bad," he lamented, "because you sure are lookin' good."

"Thanks. Bye." I stated as I unlocked the car door and jumped inside.

Anita got in the car and asked what that was all about. The guy hit on me. So THIS is the type of man I'm destined to attract now? The creepy, smelly guy with the wacky eyes eating a hamburger outside the Hy-Vee?? I eventually took the whole incident as a compliment and got on with my life. How could you not? Maybe he was an extremely wealthy kook like Howard Hughes....mmmm, nope. Probably not. But stay tuned, you may get a wedding invite from me and one of these guys.

So, I will keep on keepin' on... there is MUCH more to come in the next few weeks...

The Hospital Chronicles Part II - Episode 2: "nuuhggh"

2006-08-06T18:45:00.000-07:00

The title: an homage to Terry Schaivo's blog... http://durrrrr.blogspot.com/ It was fun while it lasted.

As I lay in the hospital the next morning - after the whole pooping thing with the lady in the room and all. Then the doctor came in, but it was Dr. Shoopinstein (I really can't remember his name, but it was weird like that) and he was the Dr. on call because it was a Saturday and I knew that Dr. K. would be busy making whoopee in the new boat that I bought him. Anyway, the nurse is there and he says that he is going to start me on the feeding tube today ("nuhh..."). Well, this was upsetting to me and I started crying. I hate that about myself. But it was one of those things where you are thinking - was this the right thing to do at this time? Am I going to get through this? How long will this go on? Etc.

So they started the tube and later that day I was given a private room. That was just fine with me. In fact, I think it was the best thing that ever happened to me (until later that week). So here I am in my own room, with my feeding tube and no food and no water - just the sponge on a stick. I grew to hate that sponge. It mocked me. But I did have the NG tube taken out which was a big improvement too.

Nothing else of consequence happened in particular that day and the rest of that night. I did have a male nurse tech named Steve who was very nice, but who I didn't let wipe my butt. I just wasn't ready for that kind of intimacy yet and I apologized to him.

UPDATE - with PHOTOS!

So here it is August already and even though I am still having difficulties eating solid food, I am feeling a little better. I have lost a total of 74 pounds so far so I had Anita take some photos and I thought I would give you a glimpse of the old me and the new me (so far).

Sorry about not smiling - I was in a hurry and explaining to Anita how to take the picture. I will try and get some better pictures in the future - when I'm even skinnier!

The Hospital Chronicles Part II - Episode 1: "Well, Sh*t The Bed!"

2006-08-01T18:36:00.000-07:00

(that's for you, Jeffy...)

The day after my surgery (Friday) I was moved to the surgical floor of Grinnell Regional Medical Center. I was placed in Room 207 with a little old woman who had a broken hip. Okay, who am I kidding - everyone on this floor was over 85 years old and had had a broken hip. So it wasn't so bad except that this little lady moaned a lot. I know she was in pain, but moaning is not bringing in the nurse, babe. After a while, my friend Rachel came to visit. The conversation was interrupted by moaning, then a frantic call on the nurse-phone - "I think I'm going to have a bowel movement!"

Well, she was right. And she had it right in the bed. Now for those of you who have never taken care of the elderly and convalescent, take note. Sh*t stinks. It reeks. Whether it's in the toilet, on the floor, in the bed or the port-a-potty, it smells bad. So I guessed it was time for a little walk.

So okay, after several times of the nurses and techs trying to get this lady up to the potty, she ended up sh*tting the bed many times that day and over the course of the night.

So during the night curious things happened. I cat-napped and every once in a while I heard the nurse alarm across the room.

"Can I help you?"
"Do you think someone could come in here and put a little pillow or something under my leg?"
"Someone will be right down."

After the tech came down, she explained to my roommate that there was already a pillow under her leg and did she want it moved? Did she want it taken out?

"No, that's okay. It feels fine."

Fifteen minutes later:
"Beep"
"Can I help you?"
"Do you think someone could come in here and put a little pillow or something under my leg?"
"Someone will be right down."

Then there was more sh*tting.

Now, I have to tell you that I didn't sleep much that night. Not only because of the sh*tting and the moaning, but because I was stressed out about my own situation too. Here I am, six weeks out of surgery and basically I don't know what's going to happen in my body yet.

The next morning, some genius figured out that they could put a Depends on that lady and they wouldn't have to change the bed and her clothes so often. A real genius.

CATCH UP - TODAY AUGUST 1, 2006

So to catch you up on a few other things, I'm doing a lot better. I went to the Dr. today and she's a little worried about me because she thinks I'm depressed. Maybe I am. In any case, there will be no going in to work for another 2 weeks! She said I could work half days from home, but she didn't want me to get too stressed out. The good news is I didn't get sick today. I have been getting sick just about every day because of the antibiotics I was taking and because I just couldn't eat any solid foods. I'm basically back at the beginning of the process at which I thought I was doing so well. I'm still doing okay, and I'm still losing weight (pictures to come soon) but it's harder than I thought. I thought I would be able to handle the changes and even the unexpected, but it really is hard. We talked about me going on Wellbutrin, but I don't really want to take any more drugs.

In any case, that's the update. I will be trying to get the rest of chronicles out this week, and some pictures online. According to the scale at the Dr.'s office, I have lost 74 pounds. Is that a lot?

EMERGENCY! [IN COLOR!]

2006-07-24T11:11:00.000-07:00

Okay, so to say karma gets you every time would be silly, but it does. Remember the last blog about that whole food getting stuck in the gullet thing? Well, it turns out that it was because of a medical condition that I didn't know about. Here's the story:

At 5:15 AM on July 5 (Kenny & Jill's anniversary), I woke up out of bed with terrible pain in my side and my right arm. I was very short of breath and was basically in misery. I tried going to the bathroom (gas pain? Nope), I tried drinking (something stuck? Nope), and eventually called Anita at 6 or 7 AM. She said I better call the Dr. but I didn't think I would survive until an appointment could be made. I called 911 and ordered an ambulance. Anita had a friend drive her to my house (remember I had gone back to work half days). After a few minutes the Marshalltown Medical and Surgical Center ambulance arrived, along with a rescue truck, and several other vehicles. All I know is there were an awful lot of people in my house. The EMT gave me an EKG right in my bedroom. Then they got me on the stretcher and dragged my ass out to the truck. On the way to the hospital the EMT treated me for a heart attack which included: a nebulizer treatment, 4 aspirins (which I had to chew and swallow - ACK!), and nitro-glycerin spray under my tongue (which gave me a headache). At the ER, the Dr. came in and looked at me. After finding out that I had recently had the gastric bypass, I convinced him that he should probably call Dr. Kermode in Grinnell. He agreed.

They took 4 x-rays of me and then sent me back to the ambulance to take a nice, soothing ride (NOT) to GRMC. It was a terrible 35 minutes. Once I arrived at the GRMC ER, Dr. K came in and asked what the heck I was doing? I told him I didn't know, but whatever it was was surely his fault. He looked at my x-rays and knew right away what the problem was. I had a perforated ulcer in the top of the little pouch that was now my stomach. So food and liquid were leaking out into my body. Because of this, air had gotten under my diaphragm which was causing all the pain. He said they would have to operate again and 15 minutes later I was in the OR!!

It went pretty quickly, and once I was in ICU and had some morphine I felt a little better. I mean I felt better that I was in good hands. They told me they had fixed the perforation and were going to treat me for the ulcer which was caused by helicobacter pylori - a kind of bacteria that exists in 60% of the population and is a main cause of peptic ulcers and even cancers.

Anyway, those ICU nurses are still the best nurses on the planet. I just loved them. I also found out that I had to get up that night, walk, and sit in the chair. Not too much fun, but I was able to rest. I also made the discovery that I had another JP bag and a G-tube. Now, a G-tube is a rubber hose that goes into your belly and usually into your stomach. Well, mine went into my OLD stomach (that's right, I'm just like a cow because I have all these stomachs). I asked about it and the nurse on surgical told me it was going to be used to FEED ME since they didn't know when I would be able to eat or drink anything through my MOUTH. This was a little upsetting to me because I didn't know how long it would take, and I just didn't like the idea of being fed through a tube.

So began the Hospital Chronicles Part II. The first installment of which will be coming soon. It starts on the second day in the hospital when I was moved from my safe haven of ICU to the surgical floor, or as I called it, the geriatric ward.

Stuck on You

2006-07-03T06:40:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I've been bragging about how good I've been doing and how much weight I'm losing (more to come in another new post later), but what I haven't talked about is the dark side of all this. It's a little problem that I'm not proud of, but I have been experiencing. It's the little issue of getting something stuck in your gullet between your esophagus and the tiny (and I do mean TINY) opening to your little pouch.

The first time it happened, my sister Anita and I had just gotten home from a shopping trip after which we stopped at a local lunch wagon that sells barbecue sandwiches. We had a beef brisket sandwich and it was the first time we had tried this vendor. I opened the box, took out the sandwich, cut off a piece. I put some sauce on it and took a big ol' bite - not even thinking about the size of the bite, the bread, or even chewing it! I swallowed and - oh my gawd - I thought I was going to die.

The thing is, when something gets stuck there, you can't really swallow anymore. If you take a drink, it backs up in your throat like a slow drainpipe. You can't breathe and it's very uncomfortable. My chest started to hurt, saliva started running (literally) out of my mouth, and I thought I could throw up - but I couldn't! You can't really do anything until some air is released (in the form of a belch) and then the food moves. So I sat in the chair with a washcloth on my face in agony until it passed finally.

So now you'd think I had learned not to do that anymore... oh but you don't know me vewy well...

Just the other day, I returned from the mall where I had the makings of a migraine (why all of a sudden that's back, I don't know). So I got home and went to the kitchen to take a pill. I put the pill in my mouth and took a giant drink of water. The pill got stuck and so I drank more and just for good measure one more huge gulp. The same thing happened only this time, I did throw up. Of course it was just water, but it hurt, dammit!

It becomes so easy after a while to slip back into old habits, but please don't do that. I have had brain farts before, but this is nothing to mess around with. I wouldn't wish this experience on anyone who could take a couple of seconds to just think about what they are doing. I learned that I need to not only be mindful of what I am eating of course, but also be mindful of HOW I am eating. I really don't want to have to have another procedure to remove a clump of bread or something from my gullet because I was stupid.

I apologize for not writing sooner, but I have since returned to work where things are not as bad as I thought they were going to be, but still enough to stress me out my first week back. Please don't give up on me! There will be more to come soon! Including photos!

Have a happy and safe 4th of July holiday!!

iNette

2006-06-16T20:01:00.000-07:00

Sorry about my absence. I bought an iPod and my whole world changed.

That's right, I'm just like Judy Jetson now. I have all my music (and some of my photos!) all right there on my little iPod. I have officially moved into the 21st Century. I even have an iTrip modulator and 2 (count them, two) sets of earphones. One for walking and a nice Sony set for listening at home. So how do you like me now?

The real reason I got the iPod was so that I could listen to music while I exercize. Of course, um, there's that little problem of me not starting my exercize routine yet. I know, I know, it's an important part of the whole process, but I just get so tired still. I walk around alot, like Wal-Mart, Target, and the mall, but it makes me tired and it's just so hard to start a new routine.

I'm hopeful though, that soon I'll be able to start some aerobics. Well, maybe some yoga and pilates first. Then maybe some weight training. I just need to sit down and write a plan to do that.

For those of you who are keeping track I have lost 40 pounds so far. It's weird because I'm not even trying! I eat little meals and then I lose weight! It's like a miracle. I know that this will only last for a while, but I don't really feel hunger and I always stop eating before I get the full stomach feeling. Just like the doctor said to do. I feel better, I haven't taken any blood pressure or diabetes meds since the surgery. My scheduled checkups are going well, and next week I'm asking the doctor when I can go back to work (UGH). It's all happening and it's working and coming true. I'm living in a fairy tale (for a while yet at least).

The whole emotional eating thing had only gotten to me a couple of times. My niece Katie was over last week and ate 2 turkey sandwiches and barbecued potato chips. It didn't really bother me because I wasn't hungry, but it did bother me because I used to be able to eat barbecued potato chips. In fact, I could eat a whole bag of them if I wanted to. But I can't now. I don't know why it bothered me like it did. I have since gotten over it. I realize that I don't need to eat those things and I certainly don't need to eat as much as I used to. I stopped eating sugar and it didn't kill me. I eat low-fat things and I still enjoy the flavors. I still love to cook and have been for Anita and Eric.

I'm going to make it and I know that I can because I finally know who I am. I used to be a big, fat stereo filled with CD's, records, and DVD's and soon I'll be everything I was and more but just wrapped in a smaller package. iNette. I like that.

A Belated Catching Up & THE BAG

2006-06-07T18:52:00.000-07:00

First of all, I would like to apologize for having been late in getting the next edition of this blog out in a timely manner. It's true I have been recuperating with no ill effects, so I do not have an adequate excuse for my tardiness. So let me catch you up on a couple of things.

First, I would like to take a moment to thank everyone who called, sent cards, flowers, etc. to me while I was indisposed. I appreciate your thoughtfulness in these respects.

Secondly, to Andy, my dear friend, I apologize for having left you out of the last before-surgery blog entry. It was not an intentional mislead in any respect. You have been my dear friend for many years and I appreciate your friendship with every fiber of my soul and would not trade that friendship for any other item of value on the earth.

(Anyone else think I've been watching too much of "Deadwood?")

Finally, to my sister Anita, I send a heart-felt thank you for everything you have done for me since my release from the hospital. You are the best caretaker a girl could have. You also are my friend, my cheerleader, and my confidant. I love you without limits.

The subject of this blog is to catch you up on events that have transpired since my release from the hospital on May 21. I realize it is already June, but there are a couple of things I need to talk about.

THE BAG

Because of my massive hernia, the doctor sent me home with a tube in my body cavity (A Jackson Pratt drain) which sucked pent-up fluid from the hernia sack in my belly. This tube was connected to a bag which required emptying every day.
Believe me when I say this was not exactly a pleasant experience. Firstly because the annoyance of pinning the bag to my clothes and carrying it everywhere with me was more than tolerable. As my body released this "hernia juice" I wrote it down - in cc's - to keep track so at the next doctor's appointment, he would know how much was draining and be able to take it out at the earliest convenience.

Well, at the next appointment which was on May 31, the doctor informed me that, 1) no one had ever kept track of the fluid like I was doing, and b) he could not remove the tube because the amount of fluid still draining was too much. This did not make me very happy.

For the next week, I kept strict track of the volume of drainage, plotted it on an excel chart and made a graph which indicated the percentage of decrease in the amount of fluid drained over time.

On June 5, I presented the doctor with the graph. He chuckled and put it right in my chart. "I'm going to go show this to some people right now." Of course he removed the drainage tube at my delight and now I feel free!! I am free from the constraints of carrying the thing with me, as well as the task of emptying the sucker all the time!

So having graduated to the next level, I am on the path to a healthier me. I eat very little, drink a whole lot, and have lost 34 pounds so far. I know that sounds like alot, but for someone as heavy as I it is just the beginning. I'm well on my way thanks to the doctors and staff at the hospital, my family and friends for their support, and to my own courage for going through with the thing. I feel like I am well on my way...

The Hospital Chronicles - Episode 6: There's No Place Like Home

2006-05-31T14:07:00.000-07:00

Sunday, May 21, 2006 I awoke at 5:00 AM (as usual when the Vampire came again). I got up, cleaned up, and walked around a bit before breakfast. I sat in the chair and reflected on my stay here. I knew the doctor was going to release me today because he promised. My night nurses said goodbye and the day staff came on. Laura, the nurse who saved me after the "incident" was on duty. I was glad it was her. I had a breakfast tray with some yogurt and cream of wheat (yumm...) and then Anita came in. We sat and talked for a while, took a walk and then asked when they thought the doctor would be there. "Well, it's Sunday so we don't usually see them until after 11." ELEVEN!! UGH!

So I went back to bed and had a short cat nap, all the while watching the clock. Soon I heard telltale whistling (yes, the doctor whistles). I immediatly sat upright. He came into the room and looked at my scar, checked out my chart and then said "So, do you wanna go home?" "Uhm YES PLEASE." He went back out the the nurse's desk to write my order. I jumped out of bed and grabbed my suitcase and immediatly put on my underpants. That's right - I got them back! Anita helped me get everything packed up and I put on my house dress and was ready.

It actually went pretty fast. He wrote me a prescription for some pain meds (score!) and a shower chair. It took a little while for Laura to process everything but I was out of there a little after 12 noon! Anita pulled the car around to the ER entrance and I was outta there! It felt really good to breathe fresh air, see the sun, all that stuff. And now I'm a new person with new insides! I'm ready to face the world man!

We drove home to Marshalltown via the scenic route (14 south to the Rock Creek road). It was pleasant. We got home and Anita unloaded all my accouternaments I had obtained at the hospital. You know, the breathing machines, the jug, etc. I had a shower in my own shower where I washed my own hair! I put on a nightgown - with a back on it! I was ready..... ready to lay down. I laid down on the bed and went to sleep. It was nice. All the kitties were so happy to see me. They all slept with me that night. There was very little room in the bed, but that was okay with me.

It's true, Auntie Em, there is no place like home.

The Hospital Chronicles - Episode 5: A Way Over Yonder

2006-05-28T18:53:00.000-07:00

One of the very most important aspects of getting better and thus, getting OUT of the hospital is walking. As I told you, the staff made me get up on the side of the bed my very first night after surgery and "dangle" (that's a real medical term boys). So after considering my future in the hospital, I decided that I would just have to start walking as far and as often as I could stand it.

Saturday was a hard day because the doctor said I could possibly go home that day. Then after some blood tests and such, he decided that maybe I should stay just one more day to make sure everything was going to be okay before he sent me home to Marshalltown. It was then I decided that I would just show that doctor that I was ready to go home.

I typically had been walking to Room 4 and back (I was in Room 2 so no big journey). Then I walked around the entire ICU and out into the hall, down the hall a short ways, and back through the double doors. It was kind of fun because there were those handicapped buttons that you puch and both doors magically open. So every time I entered the ICU from the hallway jaunt, I made an entrance. And as we all know, all I want is to be the center of attention.

After a few of those walks, it became easier. I would make sure I had a pain pill before I went on a serious walk, because it did still hurt. After a while I was taking my own tray out to the cart and such. I did walk halfway to the shower (which is quite a ways away from ICU) but I had to ride back in the wheelchair. Then later that night I walked alone to the ICU waiting room for visitors. They have leather couches in there!! So I made some phone calls and then walked a short ways down to see the birdies in the aviary. That was neat. So walking became my way to get healing faster and to make me tired enough to sleep maybe 4 hours in a row at night.

When I was released on Sunday I didn't walk much when I got home because I was a little tired. But then Anita took me one day to Walgreens and Hollywood Video and I walked around there. It was good but it still tired me out. I guess I'm just surprised that the fact that all the energy in your body is constantly working on healing whatever it is, that you can tire so easily. But believe me, it's the best exercize you can do after this surgery. Especially if you have had a massive hernia fixed. Probably Pilates is not the first thing on your list to get done. Actually the ability to wipe my own ass was the first thing on my list, but walking was right up there...

The Hospital Chronicles - Episode 4: The Gaseous Giant

2006-05-26T20:08:00.000-07:00

Gas giant
A gas giant is a large body that is not primarily composed of flesh or other solid matter. Gas giants may have a squishy or fleshy core and in fact, such a core is thought to be required for a gas giant to form but the majority of its mass is in the form of gas (or gas compressed into a liquid state), mainly methane and feces.

Common features
Gas giants share a number of features. All have gaseous centers that are mostly methane and that blend into the liquid interior at pressures greater than the critical pressure, so that there is no clear boundary between exterior and body. They have very hot interiors, ranging from about 5000 K to over 20,000 K. This great heat means that, beneath their skins, the objects are most likely entirely liquid. Thus, when discussions refer to a "solid core", one should not picture a ball of solid flesh, or even, at 20,000 K, liquid flesh. Rather, what is meant is a region in which the concentration of heavier elements such as fat and muscle is greater than that in the rest of the body.

Some gas giants have distinctly different interior compositions, with the bulk of their interiors thought to consist of a mixture (or layered assortment) of flesh, water, methane, and Tabasco. Both have magnetic fields that are sharply inclined to their axes of rotation. Sometimes, they are not considered gas giants at all, but rather "pepper sauce giants".

Terminology
The term was coined in 1952 by the science fiction writer James Blish. Arguably it is a somewhat of a misnomer, since throughout most of the volume of these bodies, there is no distinction between liquids and gases, since all the components (other than solid materials in the core) are above the critical point, so that the transition between gas and liquid is smooth. The observable exteriors of any of these bodies (at less than unit optical depth) are quite thin compared to the body radii, only extending perhaps one percent of the way to the center. Thus the observable portions are gaseous.

Extrasolar gas giants
Because of the limited techniques currently available to detect extrasolar bodies, most of those found to date have been of a size associated with gas giants. Many of the extrasolar bodies are much hotter than gas giants, making it possible that some of those bodies are a type not observed in our solar system.

Thursday night in the hospital was not a great night. I had a distinct sharp pain in my side and could not get comfortable. At 1:00 am my stomach started going nuts. Yeah, I had become a gas giant. All kinds of toxic materials in there. The body gurgles, extreme pain, then nothing. I sat on the toilet for 45 minutes - nothing. I sat in the chair - nothing. Finally I decided I would try to lay on my side (sometimes that works at home).

So I laid there pretty much in excrutiating pain. Until finally I started to feel the sphincter loosen just a little - I thought I was finally going to fart! I didn't.

There is nothing more humbling to a 48 year old woman than pooping the bed. The funny thing is, the nurse wasn't upset at all, and in fact, she was kind of excited about it. Anyway, all that cleaned up, I slept from 3:30 until 5:30 when the creepy blood lady came in to draw more blood.

Then more pain, more gurgling - so I sat on the toilet for another 45 minutes. This time my body cooperated. It released a cache of excrement followed by three trumpeting releases of gas. Now alot of people are turned off by farting. In fact, I'd venture to say very few people are pleased to do it in public - and those around the farter are noting less than shocked and mortified by the display.

In the hospital the whole passing gas thing is completely different. People are smiling, applauding, doing high-fives, making margaritas... it's a BIG DEAL. And the way my body feels now compared to before this momentous event? Priceless. So don't take these little miracles for granted. Don't hide your gaseousness - celebrate it! It means your digestive system is working properly and you should be proud.

The Hospital Chronicles - Episode 3: Food Glorious Food

2006-05-26T07:20:00.000-07:00

Someone told me that I was going to get food on Thursday. Food? Okay, I know I'm supposed to eat some pureed food for like the next six months or something like that. I hadn't tried the pureed thing at home before the surgery. I kind of wish I had because I wasn't expecting what I got. I knew it would be small amounts. One ounce of protein food and one ounce of a "side dish."

My friend Mitch came to visit me before he left for home in Colorado. I have to say that Mitch is terribly witty and charming and I was glad he was there when the lunch lady came to ask me about my meals for the day.

So the lunch lady with the shower cap says so what would you like for lunch?

"Hmmm. How about a turkey sandwich and french fries?"

Yeah she thought that was funny. I bet she never gets stuff like that from gastric bypass patients... She said how about some cottage cheese and peaches? Okay. That sounds good. Now for dinner...

"Hot beef sandwich with potatoes and gravy?" Ha ha ha. "Come on now," she said.

"Okay I'll have a scrambled egg and some pureed vegetables."

The lunch tray arrived just as I had finished my walk down to Room 4 and back. Pureed cottage cheese is, well, alot like regular cottage cheese. It tasted like cottage cheese and the peaches were good. Dinner was a little different. A scranbled egg is pretty soft to begin with, unless you cook it until it's like a rubber eraser. Then imagine taking that rubber eraser egg and putting it in the food processor. Hmmm. Not so good. Pureed peas is somewhat of a mystery to me. I like peas. I like pea soup. I like peas in salads. Pureed pease taste like peas, but the texture is kind of like eating algae. All in all, not what I expected.

As I progress I am learning to accept the joys of pureed foods. I bought some baby food (which is TERRIBLE! I wouldn't feed that stuff to a baby!) and have since decided I should stick with fresh ingredients and puree things myself. The other night, Anita and Jeff had barbecued chicken. Now the smell of barbecued chicken is pretty irresistible for me at this stage, so when they were finished, I cut off a piece of chicken, put it in the food processor with a little water and some more sauce, and whirled it up (as Anita says). You know, the texture was different, but it tasted just like barbecued chicken. So don't despair, those of you who are in Puree Hell. You must let go of the yogurt and applesauce and embrace other proteins. It's okay just make sure you watch the sugar and fat content of the ingredients.

There is also a book called Pureed Foods With Substance and Style by J. William Richman and Maria Seppi Ferraco. The book is meant for institutions with inpatients who suffer from swallowing disorders. The book teaches you how to prepare good-looking and good-tasting foods, puree them, and reshape them to their original forms to enhance taste and eyee-appeal. So if you really are into it, check it out. It's only around $100. http://www.jbpub.com/catalog/0834205548/ (Although the idea of eating a tuna salad actually shaped like a fish is a little weird to me)

Personally, I think this 3 or 4 week period will go by pretty fast. I'm excited about getting to eat crispy foods like crackers and melba toast, because then I can start a whole new chapter of recipes. Oh, and look for my new book, Food Glorious Squashed Pulverized Pulpy Food.

The Hospital Chronicles - Episode 2: The Incident

2006-05-25T19:51:00.000-07:00

Wednesday May 17, 2006. It's 5:00 AM. A woman enters my room with a white lab coat on. "I need some of your blood..." she whispers. I willingly stretch out my right arm, bruised from multiple needle sticks and tight blood pressure cuffs. In a low voice she says "Now it's gonna be a little poke." OUCH DAMMIT! Okay I'll just press the button. When I press the button all the pain goes away. Ahhh...

Laura, my day nurse comes in at 7:00 am to take my vitals. She tells me that my tubes will probably come out today! I'm so happy! Press the button.

Doctor Don comes in and says they can take out the NG tube and the catheter! Wow! This is awesome! Maybe at lunchtime I'll get a tray!

With my oxygen, NG and catheter now gone, it should be easy to walk around! I get up with much the same results as the night before. Pain. Just press the button. "Savin' the world, is all." I walk to the other side of the room. It's a miracle. I sit in the chair. Another bloody miracle. I go to the toilet. I am on a roll baby.

Sheila comes in to clean me up. She is very gentle and washes my dried out ICU skin with some Baby lotion soap and hot water. That feels good. She says we can go for a walk before lunch. Lunch? Cool. Now where's that button?

I manage to get up again and holding on to my "buddy" the IV stand, Laura and I take a walk out into the hallway of the ICU. It's bright out here. I'm walking though. I walk about 20 steps to the right and decide I need to sit down again. I walk 20 steps back to my room and my lunch tray is there. I sit down in the chair. Anita looks at me like I've seen a ghost. I look up - is the room moving? "I feel a little dizzy, do you think I should lay down for a while?" I stand up and walk to the bed. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I start hyperventilating. Just like when I'm having a panic attack, only this is different. I barely hear Anita say "She's going to pass out!" Everything goes black.

When I open my eyes I am laying on the bed with the oxygen mask strapped on my head. There are about 15 people around me. Laura is doing something with the machines above my head. I hear someone tell Anita to wait outside. I look around and Laura says my name. I respond to her and she says "She's back." Was I gone? Weird... Apparently I had passed out and all these people came rushing in just like on ER! It was awesome, only then it was kinda scary. My BP was pretty low and my hemoglobin had dropped. I was also a little dehydrated. They pushed a second bag of saline, and gave me 2 units of blood and 2 of plasma. I like to say that Laura saved me. She was right there man. All the staff at this unit are very highly skilled. They were right where they needed to be.

I slept for a while and then I got up later. They took another blood test. I walked, but just around the room. I did have a tray later with some broth and Jello. It tasted like manna from Heaven. I ended up having additional blood and plasma both Thursday and Friday. Just to give me "a boost," Dr. Don said.

So after my "incident" (of which we will never speak again), I'm feeling much better. I talked to the social worker later that day and I think this has been both a humbling and empowering experience. Your body only takes so much and you can't push it. I tried that. I thought this would be a breeze. I was wrong. Listen to the signals your body gives you. It's important to do what the doctors and nurses tell you to do, but if you don't feel like you are up to it, or you want to wait a while - it's okay. Eventually the body will come around.

Morphine (INN), the principal active agent in opium, is a powerful opioid analgesic drug. Like other opiates, morphine acts directly on the central nervous system (CNS) to relieve pain, and at synapses of the arcuate nucleus, in particular. Side effects include impairment of mental performance, euphoria, drowsiness, lethargy, and blurred vision. It also decreases hunger, inhibits the cough reflex, and produces constipation. Morphine is highly addictive when compared to other substances, and tolerance and physical and psychological dependence develop quickly. Patients on morphine often report insomnia and nightmares.

The word derives from Morpheus, the god of dreams in Greek mythology.

And you can keep pressing the button, but don't be fooled by it. It might make you think you can do things that you're not ready to do.

The Hospital Chronicles - Episode 1: Surgery "Day"

2006-05-24T19:29:00.000-07:00

Since I have been recovering, I haven't had much energy to work on the blog, so I thought I would do the whole hospital experience in a series named the Hospital Chronicles (much like the Laundromat Chronicles for those who knew me then).

Episode 1: Surgery "Day"

My friend Rachel told me that the reason it's called your surgery "day" and not your surgery "time" is because you can wait for freaking hours until it's convenient for them to actually do your surgery. I got a phone call the morning of my surgery and the nice girl asked me if I could come an hour earlier than my planned time of 11:30. I said "YOU BET!" We ran around and got there at 10:30 and then the nice lady wrote down my name and we sat in the surgery waiting area until 12:15. That's okay, it's my surgery "day." I really didn't mind, but it's one of those things that you kind of want it to be over as soon as possible so you can start the process of getting OUT of the hospital as soon as possible.

So I went to the pre-op room where they immediately take away your underpants. Underpants in the hospital are forbidden. So are socks. So I got a gown, paper boots and a paper shower cap. The 2 girls that prepped me were kind of mean, but they were also funny. I said to the one putting in my IV, "now don't get any air bubbles in there." The other girl laughed and said, "Nah, give her a whole line of air bubbles..." Funny.

Then they made my sisters come back and wait in the room with me until it was time to go. I'm glad for that otherwise I would never have gotten to hear the arguement they had about whether the government was actually responsible for the attacks of 9/11.

When it was time to go, they made me walk into the OR! That was weird! It was really bright, and COLD! I got up on the table and all these people started doing stuff to me. Now aren't they supposed to give you something to help you "relax?" I don't remember getting that. So here I was laying on the table and the cute little anesthesiologist gave me some medicine in my IV and said, "Now, Annette, this is for nausea because we don't want you to feel sick. But it might give you double vision." So I closed my eyes... and then opened my eyes and sure enough - it filled me eyes with that double vision. There was no disguising - that double vision. And so I just shut my eyes and decided to keep them shut.

Don't remember much after that. I remember waking up and being wheeled through the giant Jurassic Park door to the ICU. They moved me to the bed and hooked up my Borg attachements and then pretty much let me sleep.

The nurses in the ICU are very gentle and attentive. They didn't jerk me when they moved me, and didn't sigh when I asked for some ice chips. They did ask me to sit up on the edge of the bed. Now, this experience I was not prepared for. It might not have been so bad, but the doctor decided to fix my massive hernia in addition to the bypass.

Having a 12-inch slice down the middle of your belly, that's stapled shut, and not one, but TWO drainage tubes in your gut is not only a strange feeling when you're lying down, but try sitting up from the laying on your back position. Man, I will not lie to you - it hurt and it hurt BAD! I'm guessing most of the pain was due to the hernia fix. In any case, I did it and it hurt and all I wanted to do then was lay back down and go to sleep. So I did.

I was okay that night - of course the morphine didn't hurt. I slept on and off but woke up pretty much every hour. Oh well, it was good because that day was over. The day I was dreading. Little did I know.

So the first day (the "day" of your surgery) is mostly forgotten - except for that pain part. I haven't forgotten that yet. It's okay to be frightened and nervous because I don't think we as humans can squelch those things. Just remember that if you've picked the people and the hospital, you have to give yourself over to them. Let them do their job because they will do it best if you aren't freaking out.

Stay tuned for Episode 2: The "Incident"

Off we go!

2006-05-15T20:28:00.000-07:00

So here I am. My bag is packed, I have my journal, slippers, a robe and underpants. But you know that the first thing they do when you get to the hospital is take away your underpants... I'm taking them anyway.

It's been a very weird day. I worked until WAY too late last night on work stuff. Then I had a bizarro dream that I actually missed my surgical appointment because I had to work until 8:30 (UGH). I went to work this morning intending to stay until noon. I left at 5:00 (finally). I just stopped answering e-mails and phone calls. I made a couple of executive decisions and I left. Then when I got in the car I started to cry. I don't know why? I'm a GIRL! I don't know if it was the stress of work, the fear of the surgery, or because Barry Manilow was on the radio. I just can't put my finger on it. I'm guessing it was a combination of all those things.

I had a lot of friends here tonight. My friend Rachel was in town who is also going to the hospital with me tomorrow (she's a "nurse" and the subject of several novels to be written by my friend Gregory - "Nurse Rachel is Responsible," "Nurse Rachel Saves the Day," "Nurse Rachel in the Linen Closet." But I digress...

Gregory was also here tonight. He's been through many surgical procedures (too numerous to name) and is always supportive, and doesn't lie about stuff like this. He's been a great friend and inspiration.

My friend Mitch from Colorado came to town yesterday. When I asked why, he said because Sunday was Mother's Day, and "you're having this thing." He even gave me a card! Which absolved him from paying any more attention to me. He keeps me in check with his sharp wit and dry sense of humor.

And of course my little nephew Eric was here. I don't know what I'd do sometimes without him around. He makes me laugh even on the WORST days. Plus he'll have to take care of the kitties.

My sisters, Anita and Carolyn are going to be there for me also. My family may not always agree on things, but when it comes to health-related stuff, they are there, man. I mean they are loyal. Anita will be taking care of me, and I know and trust she will do anything in the world for me. I love her so much.

So my feelings are mixed. After talking to my nephew Jeff (Anita's son) I feel excited. He's been a workout guru for the last several months and said "I can't wait, man, you are gonna be mean!" Yup that's me! I'm gonna be one lean, mean motherf*cker!!

I talked to Jill yesterday too. She and Kenny have been my friends forever. I haven't had a chance to talk to Greg though and now it's too late to call him. But I know he'll be thinking about me. These people are, to me the best people in the world. They have never seen me as "fat." They were never embarassed by me in public. I love them so much.

Okay enough of that sappy stuff. I need sleep. So I will sign off for now, and I will be a new person the next time you hear from me. Well, my stomach will be new. The rest of me will still be the same.

I'm ready to face the tiger. Namaste.

Countdown...

2006-05-11T16:19:00.000-07:00

Okay, so it's now Thursday and only 5 days until the surgery. To say I'm a little nervous would be like saying George W Bush is a little dumb... I guess the thing that's worrying me the most isn't the actual surgery, or even the recovery in the ICU. It seems to be what's going to happen at work while I'm gone.

I know that sounds stupid. No one is irreplaceable. But then I'm a perfectionist, and when something doesn't go right, is incorrect, or takes a little longer to figure out, I'm a wreck. I have great people working for me too so I know that they can take care of things, it's just that there were so many things I wanted to get done before this happened, and it looks like they are not going to get done. I can work all weekend and into the night (like I have been this last week) but I'm not sure it will do any good.

So, officially, I'm letting go. Didn't someone once say "Let go and Let God...?" I like that saying but it's definitely easier said than done.

Having said that, I'm going to tell you about my pre-op interview on Tuesday of this week. Anita and I drove to Grinnell Tuesday morning. First, I did my pre-admission. Then we talked to the RN for what seemed to be about 16 hours. I know it wasn't that long because otherwise I would have had to use the restroom. After she told us everything... in detail... that would happen the day of the surgery and the 3 days after I'm supposed to stay (that's right - only THREE days), we talked to the anesthesiologist. I just love spelling that word. So he was a cute little Pakistan man and told me what would happen in the operating room while I was unconscious. He didn't mention they would be making fun of my hair or drawing mustaches on me with a Sharpee, so that's a good thing (although I know they do that).

Then I had an EKG, blood taken and then the Nutritionist came in. An almost intolerably happy person, this woman was pleased to talk ad nauseum (no joke intended) about the joys of pureed tuna and Whey Protein Isolate. So after I learned a few things from her (I actually did), it was down to X-ray where they must have been having an incentive day for how fast those girls could take x-rays! I was in and out in about 4 minutes!

So then we came back to Marshalltown, grabbed lunch, and then it was time to visit the family Doc for a little pre-op physical. My doctor, Dr. Demmel is so cute. He has a little bald head and he's really tall and he has a wonderful manner. When he talks to you he talks to you like an adult and looks you right in the eye. Anyway, we had a chat and after some additional poking and prodding I was deemed suitable for surgery. I paid my co-payment and went on my merry way.

It was an all-around lovely day of medical testing. I was exhausted! So now I'm sitting here thinking. I'm thinking about work. I'm thinking about the surgery. I'm thinking about not being able to eat a Peanut Buster Parfait ever again. I'm thinking about riding the new roller coaster at Six Flags Magic Mountain - Tatsu "Fly at the Speed of Fear" (62 mph, 11 foot drop, 4 inversions). http://www.sixflags.com/parks/magicmountain/index.asp

I think I can really do this. I'm going to do it. Stay tunes, the countdown is just starting...

Search for the Perfect Dog

2006-04-27T19:10:00.000-07:00

Last weekend (April 22-23) I went to visit friends in Chicago. I went to have sort of a final fling of food in the windy city, and what happened next was probably one of the best days I've spent in that town. The great search for the Chicago "Dragged Through the Garden" Hot Dog.

A Chicago Style Hot Dog is more than just a Hot Dog; it's a taste sensation with the perfect blend of toppings. So, what exactly is a Chicago Dog? A Chicago Style Hot Dog is a steamed all beef Hot Dog topped with yellow mustard, bright green relish, onions, tomato, pickle spear, sport peppers and a dash of celery salt served in the all-important steamed poppyseed bun.

Saturday started out normally with a "light" breakfast at the Blue Angel and then some fun t-shirt shopping. Eventually Greg, Kimber and I were ready to start the search.

Our first stop was The Wiener's Circle downtown. There was limited seating but the atmosphere was truly downtown Chicago. The dog was pretty good, but with limited amounts of relish and mustard. The dog had all the components however. Even though the bun was a little stale, on our scale of 1 to 5, Wiener's Circle received a 3. Not bad for our first stop.

Second stop was Wolfy's on Peterson. I have driven past this establishment many times, but never had the opportunity to try out the cuisine. As it was, probably best that I hadn't. Wolfy's bun was soggy, the dog had very little snap and was a little overcooked but had good flavor. The onion was "a bit off" according to K but the celery salt seemed to be just right. My tomato still had the "butt" end on it so that was a negative for me. Still in all, they did have Green River soda and the cool sign with the giant frank on a fork. They managed to come out with a 2 dog rating from the three of us.

Third in line was U Lucky Dawg (formerly Flukey's). I have to say that I do love mustard -- but not THAT much!! Besides being drowned in French's, the dog was overdone, not enough relish, soggy dill spear, and onions were not evenly distributed enough for us OCD folks. They did have some kitch factor and a table-side mini-jukebox, but for all that, the dog was just not good enough. Only receiving a rating of one, U Lucky Dawg - not so lucky.

Number four stop was a place that Greg had heard alot about - Bill's Drive In. Unfortunately, the worst stop on the tour. The bun wasn't even poppy seed - it was a plain old stale white bun! Relish was pale, not enough onion, too much mustard, not enough celery salt, and the dog was over-cooked, again. Even for $1.74 (the cheapest place on the tour) the dill pickle, peppers, and grilled onion were all extra! How dare they!? This was our least favorite stop so far, so an appropriate ZERO was the score.

Next stop was probably the cutest named hot dog stand in Evanston called Mustard's Last Stand. The food was probably pretty good for not being in the city, so just a few comments. Not enough poppy seeds on the bun for some, some snap to the dog that was juicy but just not hot enough. The missing celery salt really brought down the score for this one. Oh, and I got the tomato butt end again, what's up with that?? All in all it was a cute spot for the neighborhood kids to get ice cream, but the Chicago dog didn't quite cut it. Our score? Two.

It was probably a good idea to save SuperDawg for last. Arguably the most famous and kitchy restaurant in the city, SuperDawg had it all. Car hop service (even at your picnic table!), super smell, awesome packaging, super kitch, and above all, outstanding customer service. You just knew when you pressed the button and you hear Flaurie's voice on the squeaky speaker, "Hiya! Thanks fer stoppin'!" that you're about the have a religious hot dog experience. The Superdawg comes in it's own box and is lounging inside with a hearty helping of Superfries. The bun was steamed but not soggy, good fluorescent relish, mustard, onion, a nice snappy pickle and plenty of peppers. Unfortunatley, the celery salt was missing and the tomatoes were in wedges and were green. The only reason this place did not get a perfect rating. We also ordered a Whoopski dawg to share. This is a polish sausage on a big bun with barbecue sauce and grilled onion. Pretty tasty, I have to say. Oh, and the chocolate malts aren't bad either, right Kimber? We all got cute plastic cups with Maurie and Flaurie on them and Kimber even got a t-shirt!! Which came in a Superdawg package! It was truly awesome. Our score was 4 out of the perfect 5.

So as you can imagine, by this time it's about 5:00 pm and we are stuffed full. So if you're going to Chicago to have one last hot dog fling, don't waste your time with imitations. We suggest Wiener's Circle and Superdawg as the definitive places to check out for all hot dog needs. Oh, and also Strange Cargo for making our own personally designed t-shirts.

So thank you so much to Greg (for the evaluation cards, driving, and paying), and to Kimber for slicing and making me laugh so hard I wanted to puke (but not in a coyote's mouth) -- from the bottom of my pure beef heart. Nette.

Mixed Bag

2006-04-19T19:31:00.000-07:00

As the date of my surgery draws near, I am inclined to start telling people about the upcoming event. At work the other day, in between 2 meetings we all got out our calendars to schedule even more upcoming meetings (meetings are very popular in my business). As people were scheduling, I quietly sat by and said "that's fine, but I won't be there." As we all were taking a short break, I decided to tell some of the people in the room about my surgery. What I got was a mixed bag of reactions.

The first one was Surprise. "You want to lose weight? But you seem so happy." Sure I'm happy. I just ate a chili dog and a chocolate malt. Who wouldn't be happy? But why is there this stigma where "fat" = "jolly?" If I become skinny, will I lose my sense of humor? God, I hope not.

The second reaction was Supportive. This person was really excited for me. Of course just about everyone now knows or is related to someone who has had the gastric bypass. For those who know someone who was successful, they are eager to tell you about it. They really did well, lost alot of weight and are so much happier! I liked this reaction. It made me feel good.

The third reaction was Skeptical. "Oh yeah, I've heard of that." This person has probably heard and will tell you horror stories of people who have had terrible complications and hardships and suffering. Of course every individual is different and every surgeon is different. If you are comfortable and are prepared for the surgery and trust your surgeon, complications should be minimized. Of course you have to follow the rules afterward!!

The last reaction was my least favorite: No reaction. "Oh, gastric bypass? Well, good luck with that." What does that mean? You just don't know what they are thinking. Not that anyone would wish anything bad to happen to me (although someone did egg my house the other night - another story).

Regardless of people's reactions to the news, there is another unknown that concerns me. How will people treat me after I have lost the weight? Will it be different than how I am treated now?

People who don't know me, won't stare, point, laugh, or whisper to their friends. One of the things we can focus on post-surgery is becoming an advocate for "fat discrimination." It's no secret that fat folks are one of the last groups that are still openly discriminated against in the workplace and other places. We are people who have thoughts and feelings just like everyone else. So the next time you see an overwieght person, look them in the eye, smile at them, open the door for them. They will appreciate being treated like humans.

But what about the people who do know me? Will they act differently toward me?? I have read of cases, where people have lost their best friends, husbands, boyfriends. One would think those are the very people who would be supportive of helping you get healthy. People do things for strange reasons. I guess the more I think about it, the people I love, who I call my friends, will still be my friends. I don't think they would want to recast my role in the group because I can now wear a size 10 instead of a 26. I am grateful for that.

So please talk to your family. Talk to your friends about it. If you are considering this operation, you will need some people to support you. They are there for you. You are loved.

Embracing the Tiger

2006-04-10T20:26:00.000-07:00

I believe strongly in our ability to derive great power from being real, feeling and expressing love, and finding inner peace. To deal with our pain, we first must embrace the pain before sending it on its way; this sounds similar to the Tai Chi posture called “Embracing the Tiger.”

I remember a story as a child about the Rabbit and the Tiger. We know that these fairy tales always have underlying themes and morals that help provide direction and guidance for our lives.

“Early one morning, Rabbit was still fast asleep. 'Ahhhh...whew...ahhhh...whew.' Suddenly, from someplace not too far away, came a terrible sound. "AAARRRGGHHH!!!" It was the sound of Tiger's roar. For his entire life, Rabbit had outrun the tiger that ruled this part of the forest. But today would be different. Rabbit had decided he was through running away in fear. Today, he would use his wits, turn around, and face the tiger”.

As the Rabbit avoided the ferocious Tiger, so do we try to avoid those things that bring anxiety and stress to our lives. However, since we cannot avoid all stressors and anxiety-producers all the time, we must learn to resolve them when we can, to keep our lives peaceful, fulfilled, and healthy.

“In the strongest voice he could muster, Rabbit spoke to the Tiger. ‘Last night while you were hunting, there was a meeting of all the animals. They decided that you are no longer ruler here... and they said... they said that I am now the fiercest beast in the forest!’

‘Ha! That's a good joke!’ roared Tiger. ‘Now I will eat you.’

‘Ah, Ah... I can prove it,’ said Rabbit, trembling inside. ‘All the animals are terrified of me. Let me ride on your back through the forest... if all the animals don't run away in fear, that will prove I am a liar, and then I will let you eat me.’

After this, Rabbit bravely jumped on Tiger's back, and urged him to walk on. Sure enough, all the animals stared at Rabbit in shock, thinking he must have gone crazy to climb on top of Tiger's head and would surely be eaten at any moment. And just as Rabbit had predicted, each and every animal turned away and ran.”

Obesity-Related Co-Morbidities
Obesity-related health conditions are health risks that, whether alone or in combination, can significantly reduce your life expectancy. A partial list of some of the more common obesity related health conditions follows. Your doctor can provide you with a more detailed and complete list:

· Type 2 Diabetes
· High blood pressure/Heart disease
· Dyslipidemia/High Cholesterol: Dyslipidemia means a disorder of fat-like substances in the blood. A common form of dyslipidemia is what people often refer to as "high cholesterol."
· Osteoarthritis of weight-bearing joints
· Depression
· Sleep apnea/Respiratory problems
· Gastroesophageal reflux/Heartburn
· Infertility
· Menstrual irregularities

I possess 6 of these co-morbidities currently. It is my intention to not contract any more of them and to rid myself of those that I can control.

“Tiger stopped walking. Slowly turning his head, he spoke to Rabbit with a new tone, ‘What you say is true. Clearly, you are the fiercest animal in the forest.’

Rabbit hopped off Tiger's back. Tiger lowered his head and walked away. And he was never seen in that part of the forest again. So, the clever Rabbit was able to live and nap in peace!”

That Rabbit! How courageous he was! It takes courage to face risks and do something about them. We all need to face the Tiger and maintain a normal, healthy weight. While these are not guarantees against disease, they significantly reduce our risks. I have chosen a path that will help me gain control over the pain and the fear. I’m ready to embrace the tiger.

"Don't you f*cking look at me..."

2006-04-04T19:41:00.000-07:00

So last night was the first night I used my C-PAP (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) machine. Dr. Rizavi (a cute little neurologist I know) explained to me that during my sleep study (another whole story) that I woke up 120 times in the first hour. My O2 sat dropped to 70. Did you know that oxygen deprivation can cause brain damage? Hmmm, I'll have to think about that one (ouch! I huurt my brain!).

Anyway, so Monday I went to the American Home Patient store and picked out my very own REMster 3000. It's a cute little machine with a little tank of distilled water to humidify the air that it pumps into your nose. It has a cute little hose and a nose mask that looks just like the one that Frank Booth had in David Lynch's film Blue Velvet. In fact, as I got the whole thing adjusted on my head and climbed into bed to get some serious rest, Miss Wiskers jumped on the bed as usual to curl up next to my pillow. She took one look at me and stopped cold! She was scared to death of me! After I said "It's okay kitty - it's still mommy!", and she ran like lightning out of the room, I muttered to myself the famous line: "Don't you f*cking look at me!"

So I slept with the mask on and no kitties. I'm sure it will take time for them to get used to it as it will me. I didn't really feel any different today than usual, so I'm hoping it's because it takes a while to really notice the benefits.

And as an aside, the machine has a "smart card" that is stuck in the side like a credit card. There is a program that measures the frequency and length of time the machine is used. After a month, I send this card to my insurance company and they analyze the data. If the data shows that I'm not being "compliant," they won't pay. Isn't insurance a Godsend?

So tonight I'm ready to get back in the harness and get some much needed rest. But don't be surprised if the next time you see me, I have a bottle of Pabst Blue Ribbon and a tank of helium...

Welcome to my Bworld

2006-04-03T11:07:00.000-07:00

Here it is early spring and I'm just dying to get outdoors. Unfortunately I'm stuck inside at work. So why not set up a blog? So here I am and welcome to my space.

It is my intention to journal my journey (heh heh) through the process of having gastric bypass surgery. I have committed myself to this mutilation in order to save my life. I have been heavy all my life and I've decided to do something about it. It's been a pretty intensive process, so there is alot I will be working through. If there are those reading this and thinking about the surgery, this may help you through too.

I have posted the original first blog, so go ahead and read it even though I wrote it back on March 25th.

Welcome!
Netto

March 25, 2006

So here I sit. I am definitely exhausted from a stressful week at work and know I should be sleeping, but alas, my brain is still very busy. I even took 2 Tylenol bedtime tablets and, well, nothing is happening.

As I keep thinking I realize that I am about to undergo a procedure that will change my life forever. I am having Gastric Bypass surgery on May 16, 2006. Of course I had been planning and preparing for this for the last 6 months or so. When you start the process, you know it’s going to take this long. I did so much research online that I think I hit every single Weight-loss site there is. So I should be prepared. I’m committed, I’m ready, I know it’s going to work, I put my heart and soul into the process so completely that I can hardly think of anything else.

So why am I sitting here – scared to death?

Ever since I was little (well okay I was never really “little” but I mean “young”) I have been fascinated with food. My mom was an incredible cook and growing up in the Midwest I had come to rely on comfort foods that you knew would make you feel happy, warm, safe, and content. “Here, eat this brownie, it will make you feel better.” You damn right it will! In fact, it makes me feel so much better; I think I’ll just eat this whole PAN of brownies!! Growing up in a farm family spoils you on what you come to believe is how real food tastes. Friends I had growing up who lived in town didn’t have fresh cream or eggs. Their moms made loose meat sandwiches and box mix cakes. They had no idea what real food tastes like.

After mom got sick and I was taking care of her and my aunt, I still made the same dishes that mom so willingly and lovingly taught me to make: Homemade macaroni and cheese, beef and vegetable soup, meatloaf, cakes, pies and those sugar cookies that just don’t taste like anyone else’s. Those are the things I knew and clinged to when things got rough and I felt bad. Like scraping my knee, when I got hurt on the inside I ate the foods I knew and loved. I felt better and knew everything would be just fine after I had one more piece of that chocolate pie.

So maybe I’m not scared of the surgery. Maybe I’m not scared of the mutilation the surgeon will be doing to my digestive system. Maybe I’m not afraid that the thought of doing 30 minutes of exercise a day sounds horrible. Maybe I’m afraid of losing the feelings I had. Maybe I’m afraid of losing the secure feeling and the warmth of my mother’s care.

I know from the psychiatric evaluation that I’m mentally stable (yes, some will argue). I’m prepared mentally to accept the changes I’m imposing. But why do I feel so sad? It’s almost like a grieving process at this point. My psychiatrist assured me that there would be mental and emotional issues after the surgery. I know it’s going to be a huge adjustment and that I will have to look for alternate ways to comfort myself. I don’t know how hard it’s going to be and that frightens me too.

Everyone I have talked to has been very reassuring. I’ve talked to several people who have had the procedure. They say to do it, and that I will feel so much better. Once your body learns to crave the foods you need from the body’s perspective instead of the minds – it’s easy! I feel like it will be an uphill battle for me, but I have the strength and resolve to do it. I know if I set my mind to it I can do it. I want to think it’s going to be easy, but everything I’ve read tells me it isn’t.

So I’m scared. And I’m awake. The surgery is 53 days away. That sounds like a long time, doesn’t it? It’s not.

Okay, it’s 1:00 so I’m going to find a kitty and go back to bed. More later.